


Veronica's Myriad of Fuck-Ups, Told to You Via Video Diaries

by authorallyy



Series: Veronica's Myriad of Fuck-Ups [1]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Bullying, F/M, Faked Suicide, Ghosts, Homosexuality, In which Veronica is a vlogger and JD is a stalkerish fan, Modern AU, Murder, Obsessive Behavior, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Stalking, Suicide, Talk of Suicide, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Veronica and H. McNamara if you squint, Veronica's going insane, Violence, Violent Thoughts, Vomiting, asshole adults, before shit goes down I mean, for like a moment there, obvious psychopath isn't obvious to Veronica, song adaptation into actual scenes, suicide prevention, their relationship is just slightly romanticized, this is totally a tumblr prompt, video diaries, vlogging - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-01 15:58:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorallyy/pseuds/authorallyy
Summary: A boy with hair hung onto his eyes watched the video, Veronica’s voice muffled by his earbuds. “But I know, Life can be beautiful. I just have to get through it and wait everything to change.”“Soon,” he whispered under his breath, not wanting his dad in the seat beside him to hear. Looking up, he watched the Sherwood, Ohio sign flash by. “I’ll see you soon.”And things will definitely change.✱A modern!AU in which Veronica is a vlogger and tells her story, more or less, so a small population of fans. Among them, is the psychopath JD who takes the opportunity to pick where he and his dad move, to get closer to the girl he had grown attached to through the screen. More or less the same events in the musical happen here, but with a modern twist.





	1. Beautiful Frickin' Day!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me introduce myself-- I'm a post-youtube obsession survivor, as you can see most of my other works are about Septiplier and other pairings in the Youtube sphere. Although I still enjoy it, I fell out of writing it. Instead, I've gotten a spark of inspiration from a Tumblr post I saw on Pinterest and spent all last night writing up to Dead Girl Walking. So I'll be editing through the chapters till then, and post them. Will I continue writing after that? I want to. But annual updates (weekly, bi-weekly) probably won't happen. Or, we'll see. I really want to write the murders and such in more detail, and I have some ideas brewing up for some more drama later on. 
> 
> On another note, and if you're skimming this, I hope you'll read at least this: I'm dyslexic. And maybe a little skatter brained. I usually comfortable writing in third person, but sometimes I drift into first for like a line then fall right back into it. I try to catch it while I edit, but sometimes it slips through. Including the occasional spelling error, like say using hospitable instead of hospital. I do stupid things like that when I write late at night. And that, is almost all the time. So, if you catch any, you can let me know. I usually won't go back and edit till I've completed the fic, but if it's a big mistake that maybe confuses the plot, etc, I'll fix it. Just know that I'm aware that it happens.
> 
> God, well okay. let's get into the fic. We introduce Veronica and her videos, including the scene that kickstarts our story.

“September 1st, 2016. Dear Diary, I believe I’m a good person.” 

Like most of Veronica Sawyers videos, it began with a voice over. The video sped, as you could see her adjusting the camera and putting a brush through her hair, as she got ready for school. She went through her motions of getting ready in a few clips, almost as if the camera wasn’t there.

“I've talked about it before, as ya’ know, I think there's good in everyone. But here we are on my first day of senior year. I look around at all these kids I've known all my life and I ask myself: What happened?”

The video changed from the toast that she popped before having to catch the bus to her, kids raging behind her as they fooled around and made fun of each other. The videos audio came in, and you could hear what the kids were saying.

“Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!” They took turns calling out, the two victims sitting quietly, looking pained to be stuck there. Veronica gave an equally pained look as the bus shook, going over a bump.

“Just imagine, we were all once little tykes, happy and shiny, playing tag and eating paste. We got bigger though, and that couldn't be more detrimental to everyone around us. Like the Huns invading Rome, we seek to destroy anything on our path. Reputations, insecurities, everything.”

The video turned into a clip of her filming the hallways as she walked, more names being thrown around from around her. Kids shoved, dry-humped each other, slammed lockers in people’s faces. The camera shook and suddenly was pointed to her feet, as you could hear her mutter sorry to an unseen figure. Amongst the noise, her voice came back:

“Welcome to my school. Not just your average high school, but it's what I call, the Thunderdome. Hold your breath friends, cross the days off as we go. We have one single year to weather before I graduate. College will be paradise-- if I’m not dead by June.”

A boy with hair hung onto his eyes watched the video, Veronica’s voice muffled by his earbuds. “But I know, Life can be beautiful. I just have to get through it and wait everything to change.”

“ _ Soon _ ,” he whispered under his breath, not wanting his dad in the seat beside him to hear. Looking up, he watched the Sherwood, Ohio sign flash by. “ _ I’ll see you soon.” _

 

And things will definitely change.

 

She had been quite obsessed with the Canon Powershot she had gotten for Christmas. Her mom, bless her liverwurst-loving heart, wanted to get her a classic polaroid for pictures, but it seemed that the package got mixed up with someone else's. Veronica saw this fancy camera in a new light though, a new chapter in her diary. Two years ago, meek Sophomore Veronica decided the documenting her thoughts via Youtube was going to be a good idea. And here we are, 2,000 subscribers later. Two thousand beautiful weirdos that liked to listen to her rambling. The thought of having that many watch her was exciting, but she composed herself nicely. She was lucky to get this far, in her mind. It essentially was just like diary entries but with double the population of her school reading over her shoulder.

She mulled over the numbers absent-mindedly as she passed lunch trays past her. Soon, she cold step away from this fresh hell-- not so fresh, as she caught a whiff of the dude next to her-- and into Harvard. Duke, maybe, or Brown. Ivy covered walls, smoky french cafes.. A much more pleasant thought than striking a match on the guy beside her, who was soaking in bad cologne to mask the incredible smell of B.O. and set this place aflame.

Her tray slipped from her hands with more force than expected and met eyes with local jock, Ram Sweeney. She knew him since kindergarten, but now, as the linebacker for three years, he had an impressive record of eight years of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.

And, by the look on his face, last part slipped from her lips. Her dreaded inner monologue got the attention of his two football friends, too.

“What did you say to me, skank?”

She let out a noise of surprise as all three cornered her. “Nothing!” She exclaimed, ditching the tray and darting past them.

They let her be, as she took a breath at the nearest empty table. She didn’t need to eat. The state of her camera, which was unsafely tucked at the bottom her bag, would be at stake if they decided to shove her around. 

Someone tapped her shoulder, and Veronica flinched, although a smile spread on her face as she turned. Martha Dunnstock, her best friend since diapers. Her heart was a big as the unicorn on her sweatshirt, but a golden heart wasn't appreciated around here. 

“Hey, Martha,”

“Hey,” She sat, excitedly. “We on for movie night?”

“Yeah, you're on popcorn detail.”

“I just checked Netflix this morning-- they got  _ The Princess Bride _ !” 

Veronica gave a laugh. “You wanna watch it again? Don't you have it memorized by now?”

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for happy endings.”

Veronica pulled a fry from her friend's plate, and Martha finally noticed that she didn’t get lunch. “You’re not eating?”

“I’ll pass. I pissed off the Jerk Squad in line.” Veronica answered, taking a bite of the fry.

“Oh! Don’t worry, I'll get you some stuff--”

She went to stand, with her tray when Kurt Kelly walked past and decided this was the opportune time to be an asshole. Slapping the lunch tray from her hands, food went everywhere.

“Martha Dumptruck! Wide Load, Ha haah!”

Veronica stood straight, anger suddenly pulsing through her. Riding on the adrenaline of wanting to defend her friend, she pointed at the mess he made.

“Hey! Pick that up, right now!”

He had a stupid smirk on his face. “I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?”

“Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”

The adrenaline high fell quick as Kurt stepped closer to Veronica, Martha wiggled away and hid behind her.

“You have a zit right there.” Poking at her face, he pushed her backward and thankfully, Martha caught her. Him and the friends behind him falling into a fit of laughter, Veronica gritted her teeth and grabbed Martha’s hand, leaving the situation before she socked him.

“Why?” She complained long and drawn out, as Martha stayed beside her. She got no reply, as a boy with glasses pushed through the doors, where they were headed for.

“Code H! Code H!” He whisper-yelled, darting for his group of friends who had snatched a table by the door. The girls froze in their tracks as the glimpse of a red coat and plaid skirt could be seen as the door swung back and forth for a moment.

“Heather,” Exclaimed another boy at the same table. 

“Heather,” Whined a girl behind them, from the punk table.

“..and Heather!” Called out a boy from the stoner’s smoke cloud.

The two girls backpedaled and got out of the way as the three infamous popular girls make their entrance. Veronica was surprised people weren't fanning them with their lunch trays.

Closest, in yellow plaid dress and a black bow-shaped belt, the eccentric Blonde was Heather Mcnamara. Head cheerleader, not to mention that her dad was loaded, from selling engagement rings. Across from her, Heather Duke, dressed in a green pinstriped coat and black skirt. She ran the yearbook. No discernible personality, but she seemed to get on fine with her parent-paid boob job.

Then, there was Heather Chandler. She was a mythic bitch wearing the blood of the reputations she broke. All red, taking place as the almighty. Solid Teflon-- never bothered, never harassed.    
“ _ I would give anything to be like that, _ ” Veronica whispered under her breath.

 

After the scene in the cafeteria, Veronica left Martha to go to class and took a break in the bathroom. She still had her Diary and wrote often in it. Though now, it wasn't just entries. Sometimes it was lists or scripts for videos. Right now, she was writing for the footage she took this morning so she could record it when she got home.

Then, The Heathers stepped in.

She froze in her stall, listening as they set down bags on the sinks and one, presumably Duke as she could see her statement green socks as she kneeled in the stall next to her. The sound of her dry heaving into the toilet followed.

“Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '07.” criticized Chandler. Veronica peeked through the gap between the stall and the door, she was touching up her makeup.

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather.” replied Mcnamara, her softer voice considerably different from the others.

“Yeah Heather, maybe I should.”

“Ah, Heather and Heather.” Veronica clutched her diary to her chest, as she heard Mrs. Fleming step inside. In reply, Duke vomited from inside the stall beside her. “And Heather. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class.”

If this was a cartoon, a lightbulb would appear above Veronica. Silently, she flipped to a blank page in her diary and scribbled in it.

“Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her.” 

“Not without a hall pass. Week’s detention.”

“Uh--” Veronica unlatched the stall and stepped out, ripping the forged note from her book before handing it to Mrs. Fleming. “Actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.”

She sneered at the note for a moment, stumped before handing it back. “I see you’re all listed. Hurry up, get where you’re going.”

As Fleming turned on her heel and left the bathroom, the note disappeared from her hands. Chandler stood there, a few inches taller then Veronica, reading over the note. ‘This is an excellent forgery,” She complimented, as she looked at her and stared her down. “Who are you?”

Veronica went blank for a half second before her mind caught up. She shot her hand out as if she thought Heather would greet her normally. “Veronica. Sawyer. I crave a boon.” She stumbled.

“What boon?” Chandler sneered, lifting her hand away from Veronica’s. The other Heathers had now comes to hover and watch the scene unfold. Veronica drew her hand back to her chest and took a breath.

“Uh, Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary, if people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone..”

The trio fell into melodic laughter.

“Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes.”

“How about prescriptions?” Duke chimed.

“Shut up Heather.” Chandler dismissed.

"Sorry Heather.”

Veronica kept from shaking her head in disbelief. How did she end up in this situation?  Before she could question further, Chandler had captured her face in her hand. She turned her around, inspecting her.

“For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.”

Mcnamara stepped forward and got close to Veronica's face, drawing a line down the middle of her eyes. “And a symmetrical face, if I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important.”

_ Wha-a-at the fuck. _

“Of course you can stand to lose a few pounds.” Gritted Duke.

“Let’s make her beautiful!” Grinned Mcnamara. 

“Okay?” Chandler gave a sharp nod in agreement, as she looked to Veronica, letting herface go.

As they say in Hamilton, She is not throwing away her shot.

Two periods later and a crazed trip in Chandler’s Porsche to her home, Veronica, led by the Heathers, stepped from the bathroom into the bustling hallway as the kids went to their next class. The clip she snuck of her outfit when the others had their back turned didn't do her justice.

A striking blue blazer, the inside a sleek silk polka dot, paired with a gray plaid skirt. Add the knee high matching socks and new hair and makeup, she was Hell on wheels. And man, did she feel like it.

“Heather? Heather?” sounded the faces around them as they parted for the trio in front of her.

“Heather.. And someone?” questioned a nearby girl.

“And a babe,” Smirked Ram as they came around the corner. Veronica let a smile pass her pink lips as all eyes were on her, as she walked alongside the most powerful girls in high school. 

 

Her voice over came back as an awkward clip of showing her outfit through the bathroom mirror. The boy holding the phone pushed his dark hair out of his equally dark eyes as he watched on for the tenth time since moving, yet again a frustrated look coming over his handsome features. He knew the Heathers through her commentary. Her of all people, falling for their promise of popularity. A meaningless currency in his mind.

“And ya know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and just sometimes, you get your way. You take that chance and your life changes. And now that it has, my God.. it's beautiful! I might be beautiful, for once.. and when you're beautiful.. It's a beautiful frickin' day!”

The clip faded to a worn face, Veronica, as she set the camera on her dresser and kneeled to look into it. A dopey smile on her face, she pulled at the buttons on her blazer. “And now, I bid you adieu. I’ll give you the inside scoop on the life of a Heather soon. Till next week.”

The video ended and the autoplay began loading another one of Veronica’s videos. Pressing cancel, The boy leaned his head back against the bare wall. A few boxes still lay at the foot of his bed. He learned that there was no need for pointless anything, and kept his life minimal. He never knew when he would be uprooted again and off to the next town anyway.

“Next week,” he mumbled, glancing out the window. Somewhere, in the neighborhoods nearby, Veronica was sleeping soundly. “How about  _ tomorrow _ ?”


	2. Mr. No-Name-Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica makes her first mistake, being Heather Chandler's forging pet. Now with her best friend's feelings on the line, one hell of a distraction walks into her life. And promptly kicks ass.

The video began, and Veronica was running late. The whole ensemble of her new outfit took more time than she expected some mornings. You could see the side of her head as she bent over and straightened her socks and slipped on her heels. 

“Dear diary, it's been three weeks since I became friends with the Heathers! Actually, friends isn't exactly the right word. It's more like the Heathers are people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.”

She then bent towards the camera, so her face was properly being shown. Straightening the jewel at her collar, she continued. “And holy fuck, is it tiring. Plus side is, some interesting development happened the other day. Actually more like..” Her eyebrows furrowed. “Sickening. Let me explain.”

 

Martha came, sitting beside her old friend as Veronica scribbled in her Diary. “Hey.” She greeted.

Veronica looked up and smiled. “Hey!”

“You’re really looking beautiful these days.”

Veronica shrugged. “Yeah, well, it's still the same me underneath.” 

“Are you sure?” Martha’s smile faltered. Something crumbled in Veronica, and she set down her pencil and put her full attention at her best friend. 

“Look, I'm sorry I flaked on movie night last week. I just have a lot going on.”

Martha just brushed her off. “No, I get it, you're with the Heathers now. That’s exciting.”

Veronica shook her head. ‘Its whatever. I promise we’ll hang out soon.”

Moment broken, heather Duke chimed in from behind them. “Veronica! Heather wants you to haul ass to the table. Pronto!” Veronica pinched her eyes closed before turning to her ‘friend’ with a half-smile. 

“How very.”

Saying a quick goodbye to Martha she gathered her bag and diary and followed Duke to the table across the room. Instead of sitting, Chandler leaned suggestively against the chipping plastic. Mcnamara had her nose in her phone, texting beside her.

“Ah, Veronica, I need a forgery in Ram Sweeney's handwriting. You'll need something to write on, Heather bend over.” Chandler demanded without greeting. Promptly, Duke bent over giving Veronica a place to write a foot away from an actual table.

Veronica learned to just go with it.

Ripping a piece of paper from her diary, she let Chandler led her to write. She wrote in messily capitals, somewhat resembling the notes on a football game plan board.   
“Hey beautiful. I've been watching you and thinking about us in the old days.” Chandler spoke, watching Veronica write. She did have a peculiar talent for forging things. “I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend. I miss you. Ram.”

“Oh, and put an XO after the signature!” Chimed Duke before below her.

Veronica did, then handed the note to Chandler. “What’s this for, anyway?”

“I just found out that Ram used to hang with Martha Dumptruck.”

A sickening feeling fell into Veronica's stomach. She ignored it with a little laugh, closing her diary. “Yeah, we all did, in Kindergarten.”

Duke had stood, giving Veronica a devilish smile. “We all didn't kiss on the kickball field!”

Mcnamara giggled from behind her phone, before slipping it into the pocket on her dress. “Oh, that's right! I remember when Ram kissed Martha Dumptruck!! It was disgusting!”

Veronica grimaced a little while they laughed. Kurt and Ram were walking past, and Chandler held the note up high and waved them over. “Ram! Be a sweetie and give this note to Martha Dumptruck for me.”

“What? No!” Veronica pleaded angrily, but they both ignored her.

“Ew. You talk to that Lard-ass?” He questioned, going to open the folded paper. Chandler covered his hands with hers.

“Don't read it! She’s having an extra heavy flow and she needed some advice from my Gyno.”

“Eww.” the two boys exclaimed, tossing the paper in Veronica’s grasping hands. She held it behind her, before Chandler could pull it from her fingers. She put on a sneer.

“What are you doing?”

“Please don’t do this. Not to Martha.” Veronica pleaded.

“Why? It will give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks!” Duke commented. Chandler didn't even glance at her.

“Shut up Heather!”

“Sorry Heather..”

Veronica ignored Duke. “Martha has had a crush on Ram for like, twelve years now. This would.. Would crush her.”

“Are we gonna have a problem?” Hand on her hip, the other pointing at Veronica’s chest, Chandler’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick.”

“Yo! Catfight!” mumbled Kurt from a few feet away. Veronica didn't hear him. 

“I’d normally let you feel sorry for the back of my hand, but I’m feeling nice. Here’s some advice so listen up, biatch.”

Chandler stood and came in close to Veronica. Frozen, she didn’t move away. 

“Being on our pedestal is a privilege, Honey. You've barely made the cut, and you're testing your luck. I’ve let you take a little sampling of my candy store, the popularity and good looks that come with being with us. Now either hand over the note, or prepare to be lower than the gum under the bleacher seats.”

Duke slipped the note from her fingers and handed it over. A smirk fell on Chandler’s lips, before she strutted past Veronica. She covered her mouth in horror, as the note was passed on to Martha. With a sweet smile, Martha opened the note, and Veronica found her feet.

Jogging across the cafeteria, she skidded beside her as Martha looked up with a wide smile. “Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! See I told you there was still something there! This proves he's been thinking about me!” She beamed. Veronica held back the look of pain on her face.

“Color me stoked.” She replied, defeated. Chandler was just behind her with a smirk before walking off.

Veronica turned and pushed her fingers up into her hair as she walked slowly back to the main table. What had she just done?

“You shouldn't have bowed down to the swatch dogs and the diet coke heads. They're gonna crush that girl.”

Veronica paused, glancing next to her. Slumped, a book in hand, an unfamiliar boy sat, looking up at her with a glimmer in his dark eyes. Was her heart fluttering?  _ That was new _ . His hair, falling in gentle waves into his face. He wore mostly black, including a trenchcoat that pooled at is sides. The smile inched on his features, and she couldn't help but match it.

“Excuse me?” She said softly.

He sat straighter, keeping his eyes on hers. “You've clearly got a soul, you just need to work hard keeping it clean. 'We are all born marked for evil.'”

Words caught in her throat, He stood and turned to leave as she stuttered out her reply. “Ok, don't just quote Baudelaire at me and then walk away. Excuse me? Didn't catch your name.”

He threw a killer smile her way. “I didn’t throw it.”

Then, he was gone, walking off. And Veronica was left gaping, Martha the last thing in her mind as she tried to process what had just happened. She turned the opposite way, towards the Heathers.

“Jeez Veronica, drool much?”

Veronica met eyes with Chandler before she sat at the table like a normal person. Duke leaned, a look of disgust on her face as she watched the mystery man get stopped by Kurt and Ram.

“You were totally throwing your panties at that new guy. I’ve seen the state of your house-- you can’t afford new ones.”

The other two giggled at her comment, but Veronica ignored them. She watched across the busy cafeteria as the new boy smiled bittersweetly, saying something that made anger flash in the two jocks eyes.

“HOLD HIS ARMS!”

The Heathers are scuttling forward, making a pathway to the front of the room where the three are. She follows suit, watching as he used the hardback book to smack the two jocks around. The Heathers surround Ram and he keels over, holding his balls. Veronica keeps her eyes on the new boy.

It's like the room slows. She was able to find some crappily filmed footage of the fight on facebook-- shot in portrait, of fucking course, and added it to her weekly vlog. She paused the video on the scene, the new boy's fist inches from Kurt's, Chandler striking as pose as she points laughing at Ram as he still holds his junk. The faces were comical, but even as she edited, she kept her eyes on the dark mystery of the new boy.

“Why, when you see boys fight, it feels so horrible, yet feels so right?” She questioned in her voice over. “I really should've watched that crap, it's not who I am.” A beat. “But with this kid,  _ Damn _ .”

She slows the footage and continues to speak over it, knowing it was a short fight. 

“I’ve decided, without my knowing consent at first, it seems, that I’ve chosen this boy to.. to.. “ She had many options to phrase it on her diary. A list. None that really fit. Looking back to the footage, she found her words. “To fight for. Mr. No-Name Kid, whoever you might be, I’d fight for you. Only if you’ll do the same for me. Because-- woah, you can punch real good. A fight against two of the star footballers? You’ve gotten farther than I thought you would. So informally, if some night you're free, wanna hang out with me?”

The footage cuts to Veronica, doing a light jog as she jogs the short distance to the school. She had missed the bus and was paying for it. She was breathing with some difficulty, but it didn't stop her from speaking into the camera. ”Why am I divulging this to you guys? Well, I’ll get to that. It’s been a hell of a weekend, let me just say.”


	3. Are You Trying To Poison Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica finally knows who this mysterious boy is. How strange he was too-- but it didn't stop her from flirting. Neither did the fact that he watches her videos. It barely crossed her mind that he already knows all he needs to about her via the videos.
> 
> She realizes quickly she should have ditched the party when she was offered to. Between the amount of alcohol in her system and the bitchy pranks the Heathers love pulling, Veronica blows her top and makes the mistake of making Heather Chandler an enemy.

With a firm shove out of the Jeep, Veronica stumbled, threw a look, and walked into the 7-11. The clerk didn’t even look up as she walked in and made a beeline for the snack aisle, passing the swirling tubs of slush.  Scanning for the tell-tale  _ Corn Nuts _ packaging, a familiar voice broke the silence of the small store. Veronica’s eyes snapped up and met with the mysterious boy with hair that kept falling in his eyes. She had an urge to swipe them from his face to see his eyes better. Thankfully, he did just that before she invaded his personal space and did it herself.

“Greetings and salutations, want a Slurpee with that?” He eyed her fingers around a bag of BQ  _ Corn Nuts _ . She awkwardly pulled them off the hook and brushed her hair behind her own ear.

“No, but if you’re nice, I’ll let you buy me a Big Gulp.”

He raises a brow along with the corners of his lips. “That's like going to McDonald's to order a salad. The Slurpee is the signature dish of the house. Did you say cherry or lime?”

Veronica let a smile play at her lips as she leaned on the coffee counter. “I said Big Gulp… I'm Veronica.. by the way. Are you ever going to tell me your name?”

He held her curiosity as he poured himself a cherry and turned back to her. “I'll end the suspense. I'm Jason Dean. JD for short. And uh, I already know who you are.”

She tapped the palm of her hand to her forehead. "Shit, yeah, word travels fast, whatever bullshit I’m connected to via the Heathers is--”

“No, your videos. Diary entries. On Youtube?”

For the first time in a long time, Veronica went pink. She never thought to meet someone who had seen her stuff besides Martha. And hell, she had been trying to flirt with a fan. Wasn’t there some unspoken rule against that?

“Oh, you’ve seen that?” She said sheepishly.

“Just about every video, I’m sure. Since about mid-last year, I’ve found you fascinating, if you don't mind me saying. Your commentary on the social hierarchy in schools is compelling.”

A smile fell on her lips. “You think so? Yeah, it was just, I felt like Westerberg is the perfect example of--”

“VERONICA!” Chandler’s voice rang through the quiet 7-11’s parking lot and into the store. Veronica cringed. 

“Of course, we all have our static. For example, I really don't like my friends.”

“I really don't like your friends either." He replied. He traded sides of the aisle and leaned beside me on the coffee counter. “Ditch the party and hang out here.”

Veronica smiled and fiddled the  _ Corn Nuts _ bag. “7-11. Swanky first date.”

“Oh, come on. I love this place.”

“No offense, but why?”

He let out a chuckle. “You've seen the commercial? ‘My names Big Bud Dean and if it's in the way, I'll make your day.’” He makes a jerking-off motion with his free hand. “My dad's work. A deconstruction company.”

“Oh yeah, he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up.” Veronica laughs, loud and obnoxious but unapologetic before she realizes her mistake. He wasn’t laughing. She busied herself with staring down at the red package in her hands. “So, that's your dad..?”

Thankfully for her, he seems not to mind her laughing, as he smiled at her wistfully, before taking a small sip of the red slush in his cup. “Yeah, the old man seems to enjoy tearing things down, in all his toxic glory.”

‘So that's what a Baudelaire-quoting, badass like you doing in Sherwood, Ohio. Ya know, you never answered my question.”

“Oh, right, well, with his work were always.. Moving. He keeps two suitcases packed in the den at all times just in case. You know what’s always the same?“ He gave a wide gesture to the small liquor store. “Barely a hair of a difference across all the states. Same sickeningly sweet cherry syrup in ice and same partially clean smell. Like a concrete oasis in a world of explosions and deranged ramblings of my old man.”

He gave a sharp tug on his straw, and a second later, his face contorted in pain. He smiled, though. “I can sit, freeze my brain, and get lost in the pain for a little while.” He looked over to Veronica. “Better the cocaine. Care for a hit?”

Veronica smiled and rose her chin. “Does your Mommy know you eat all that crap?”

His smile was bittersweet. “Not anymore.”

Veronica facepalmed at her own stupidity as he was distracted by swirling the slush in his cup. 

“When my mom was alive we lived halfway normal. Now, I’ve learned the world doesn’t owe you a cent. Then there’s you, Veronica Sawyer.” He then faced her fully. “You want to go to some college-- you’ve applied to all the biggies, probably marry some asshole lawyer from Harvard. Reality will hit hard, Sweetheart. Let me help you build some walls.” He held out the cup, and Veronica set the nuts down and took it. 

She took a decent gulp. “Sweet and cold, but I don't know what the big deal is-- Oh son of a bitch!” She pinched her eyes closed and held a free hand to her forehead. She heard him let out a chuckle. 

“Veronica!” 

She jumped, opening her eyes to the killer stare from Chandler. Even if she wanted to ditch the party, she couldn't avoid her and the rest of the Heathers. “I gotta go,” She said, monotone, as she handed the cup back.

“Corn nuts?”

Veronica scooped the bags she piled and slipped past JD. “Yes, Heather.”

“Wave bye-bye to Red Dawn here and let’s motor!” She said, wiping her head around as she strutted back out. Veronica, turned, backing slowly towards the doors.

“See you?”

“Soon.” He replied, smiling. He rose his cup to her, and she gestured back with the handful of  _ Corn Nuts _ . As she walked out, the store clerk added three bags to Chandler's tab. Her Dad would sweep by and pay it off.

“Hey, ‘Red Dawn’, payin’ for that?”

 

Veronica was able to get a few clips of high schoolers doing stupid shit while under the influence. Multiple couples were dry humping all over, many for drinking from red solo cups, others, including the jocks, were playing a rigged version of ping pong, where each time the little ball is hit, a shot is added to the person’s list. These kids were gonna get alcohol poisoning, and she was going to witness it.

Not that Veronica was innocent. Hanging with the Heathers included learning to take tequila shots and chug cheap beer. The longer she drank, the easier it was to dance. Easier it was to let mediocre guys flirt with her, She gave no real response, but it felt nice to be desired. She knew, past the pretty exterior, it was because the Heathers played makeover and this wasn't truly her, but she reveled in the feeling regardless. It wasn't as good as the flutter in her chest when JD had smiled at her earlier. She chose to push him from her mind for the night. A Party was no time to be pining over the new guy.

She watched as Ram took the pig pinata and hump it doggy style. Kurt joined in and she heard Duke’s annoying voice rang past the music and cheering. 

“Way to show maturity,” She said, crossing her arms. Kurt, drunk off his ass, of course, left the paper pig and grabbed her, dry humping her instead.

The room spun just a little, Duke’s voice screeching back, a blur of sound as Veronica jogged over. 

“Hey, Ram, emergency. I uh, just saw some freshman hop over the pool fence.”

He immediately stopped and turned towards the pool. “I hate freshman. Where are you little pricks? I’m coming for you!”

He ran off and Veronica turned to Duke. She didn't look thankful. “Hey, you okay?” Veronica asked regardless.

“I didn't need your help,” she said, flipping her the bird. Veronica let a smile spread on her cheeks. 

“Aw, thanks Heather, but I don’t really have to vomit right now,” She joked, gesturing with pointing down her throat. Her laugh rang through the room as she turned from the angry Heather.

Veronica traveled, leaving her camera at the bottom of her the little clutch she had left.. Somewhere. She was sure Ram wouldn't know how to open the ball clasp, let alone turn on the camera the next morning midst his hangover. She’ll sweep buy early and he won't even know. For now, she took shots as they came, getting easier the more she did. She quickly realized she needed to know her limits. And, how she was passing them.

She did collide with a familiar face, Martha. Beaming, but obviously nervous, she was relieved to find Veronica.

“Hey, I can’t believe you actually came!” Veronica greeted, guilt behind her words. In the back of her alcohol muddied mind, she could feel a storm brewing. Or maybe that was the weed talking.

“It's exciting, right? Oh excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram, I brought sparkling cider!” before Veronica could stop her, she was gone in the mass of kids. A more nerdy looking guy passed and handed out shots. Without a thought, she downed it and put it back on the tray he had. Looking for a Heather, she couldn't find one. With so many, she was surprised. She waited by the kitchen, catching drinks as they floated out.

“Alright, Westerburgers!” Mcnamara’s voice rang out, as the music lowered. She held a stick and a silk bandana as she caught the crowd's attention. “Time to celebrate our upcoming victory over the Razorbacks, but whacking apart their mascot!”

Kurt came up behind her and gave her ass a smack. She looked bothered but chose to ignore him.

“We need a volunteer to take the first swing at the pinata!”   
Chandler called out from the back of the room. The crowd parted and the circle of kids made a stage grew. “Martha Dunnstock. I think you should do the honors.”   
“I-I don't really know this game,” Martha mumbled, being put in the limelight.   
“Let's show this girl some Westerburg spirit!” Cheers Mcnamara. “Martha. Martha. Martha,” she began chanting, and most of the crowd joins in. Martha stepped forward, and let Mcnamara blind her. Stick in hand, her and Chandler started to spin her. Meanwhile, Duke comes from seemingly thin air carrying the pig.. Wearing a wig that looked like Martha, and a drawn sign depicting her name. Veronica, without a moment of hesitation, stepped forward and grabs the pig.

“What are you doing? Let go, Heather!”

In an instant, Chandler comes over and helps Duke yank on their end of the pig. Veronica pried it from them and held it away. With unfiltered anger Veronica sneered at her supposed friends.

“What’s your damage, Heather?” She demanded, before stomping off past Martha and tossing the pig into the pool. “You want this? Go swim for it.” the crowd parted as she goes straight for Martha and helped take the blindfold off.

“What--”

“I’ll explain everything later, just go home--”

“No, I was going to--”

“Martha, just go home.”

Veronica gave her friend a desperate look. Martha, still confused, can put one and one together: she was being made fun of again. Escaping Veronica’s arms she ran off before she can hear the punchline.

Veronica’s eyes follow her out, and she met Chandler’s glare. The alcohol in her system stopped her from feeling intimidated.

“Well, we gave it a shot. I'm resigning my commission from the Lipgloss Gestapo. I'm going back to civilian life.” She declared, giving a vague point towards the Heathers. Chandler looked unfazed as she strutted closer, grabbing her arm. Veronica tried to yank away, but Chandler just spun her to face her. ”Don't spin me. I'm not feeling well..”

Disregarding her request she gripped her painfully and shook her face around as she spoke. “You don't get to be a nobody. Come Monday, you're an ex-somebody. Not even the losers will touch you now! Transfer to Washington, transfer to Jefferson, no one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.”

With a shove, Veronica collided with some beefy guy and he pushed her back toward Chandler. And just as her vision is coated in red, she feels the toxic bile rise. Then, an ear-piercing scream radiated from Chandler. 

“I raised you from NOTHING! And what’s my thanks? I get paid in puke?” she gasps. Veronica’s had enough of her bullshit. With a sneer, she steps back and wipes her lip.

“Lick it up baby, lick it up!” She snapped back. The room went silent though, and Chandler leaned into her. 

“I know who I’m eating lunch with on Monday. Do you?” The way her voice evened out although there was fire brewing in her eyes was eerie. They passed pissed, Chandler was fuming, just under the surface. Veronica looked around, and everyone turned from her gaze. Disregarding her presence, Chandler strips from her vomit covered blazer and drops it in a nearby houseplant, before calling the party back into action. Veronica was too busy shoving through the crowd to pay her attention.

  
A weak, desperate look crossed Veronica’s face as she leans on her window sill, camera in her face. “ _Can you believe it gets worse?_ ”


	4. Better, Then Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kicked out by Heather Chandler, veronica seeks sanctuary, and finds it with JD, for one night. The next, she decides it's fine to suck it up and kiss some ass.. hopefully before it keels over.

“Well, for a few hours, it got better. But it was short lived. So yeah, this fan-- who’s probably watching now, Hey, you.” She shot a finger fun awkwardly at the camera with her free hand. “You all get a more sober version of the story. But him-- not so lucky.”

 

So, the demon queen of highschool had thrown her out and plans to rip her a new one come Monday. She had what, thirty hours of freedom, and on her walk home, she caught sight of a familiar motorcycle. The black motorcycle that JD drove was parked in all its glory in the closest house, and Veronica suddenly had a plan.  The tree beside the house was climbable, even in her clumsy state. The cold air had sobered her up enough anyway.  The lock was simple, unlocking it easily as she peered inside. Sliding his window open, she tried her best to slip in smoothly. She has to catch herself on his desk, but the state of her balance was the last thing he wanted to question.

“Veronica? What are you doing in my room?” Veronica studied the shadows across his face from his bedside light, a moody blue one that made his dark brown eyes even darker. Her eyes did drift down his bare chest and realized she was wanting this more than she thought. She held a finger to her lips and took a step closer as he peeled from the covers and stood.

“Heather wanted to do this pinata thing, and Heather wanted Martha to do it, so Heather and Heather were spinning her and Heather brought out this pig that was dressed up like her and I blew my top,  I tried to leave but-- Listen. Heather has my head on a stake on Monday. I’ve-- I’ve decided to have you as my last meal on death row.” She mumbled, stepping closer to him.

“Wait-- what?” He shook his head as he reached out for her. “You’re making no sense.”

“Just-- I’m a dead girl walking, alright? So loose the briefs and I’m yours.” Veronica took that last step closer and set her hands on his shoulders. Realization hit on his face, a twinge of a smile at the corners of his lips. Her hands drifted, across his chest for a moment, before going up the stretch of his neck into his hair. She could feel him give in before he spoke.

“That works for me.”

She cut him off with a deep kiss. Suddenly hoping she didn’t taste like puke, her concerns were gone with his reaction. Hands finding her hips, gripping her and holding her close, his lips were just as eager as hers. His kisses trailed down her neck, and his hands moved to pull at the buttons of her blazer. She ripped it off as he bent to his knees, trailing kisses down her abdomen. His warm hands caressing up her thighs, suddenly she was in the air and he carried her the few steps to the bed. She yanked off his shirt and promptly flipped them over. 

Straddling him, she admired him once more, staring down to him, and saw a glimmer in his eyes like before. “You know, it’s because you’re beautiful..” She said, sobering at her own words. “You say you're.. You're numb inside, but I can’t agree. So the world's unfair! Keep it locked out there.” She gestured blindly her at the window, before leaning down to him, her lips brushing his as she set her hands on his chest. She gave his warm skin a gentle tap. “In here.. Its beautiful. So let’s.. Lets--”

“Make it beautiful.” He finished her sentence, and a slow smirk came across his lips. She kissed him, and her heart fell deep into a void she couldn’t comprehend.

 

She decided to leave that night and its dizzying details out of her video.

The dream though, made it in.

Veronica hand to set her hand on her vanity when she held her camera to film herself. She hadn't eaten much since Saterday morning, since it usually came up or made her stomach feel like it was eating itself. She hoped it'd pass soon, she felt weak. “I don’t know why I was so obsessed with what Heather is going to say. I’ll always have Martha, regardless to what happened. But she was there, in JD’s room-- said she saw everything and was going to tell the school how big of a slut I was. Then the whole senior class was there, chanting with 3-D glasses and popcorn. It was overwhelming, honestly. I just couldn’t help but to..”

 

Veronica let out a piercing scream. JD stirred, rolling over to shake her awake. She barely dodged his comforting arms as her instinct when she woke was to peel from the covers and hop towards her clothes.

“Oh god, Oh, oh it was just a dream!” She stuttered, gripping her shirt as she hastily turned it right side out.

“What's the rush?” JD asked. He furrowed his brows, as he sat up fully and watched her concernedly.

“I've got to get to Heather's house.” She explained, slipping the white button up on before she lined up the buttons.

“What? You said you were done with Heather!” He exclaimed, sliding to the edge of his bed to stand.

She let out a groan as all that she said last night flooded her brain. A headache thumped in her skull but she couldn't be bothered to worry over her first hangover. “Yeah, and that was a sweet fantasy, a world without Heather. A world where everyone is free. But now its morning and I have to go kiss her aerobicized ass.”

He frowned, watching her. “No, you don't."

“I have to! I'm not strong.. like you are.” She admits, fiddling with her collar anxiously.

JD then leaned over and scooped up his jeans. Slipping them on, he looked back to her. “Well, let me come with you then.”

Veronica let a flash of surprise run across her features. “Really?”

He threw her a little smile. “Yeah.”

Her eyes sparked for a moment before she leaned over and rose onto the balls of her feet to kiss him. Gently, this time. “Thank you.”

He handed her the blue blazer in reply, his smile growing as he picked up his own shirt. 

“Uh, by the way,” She spoke, straightening the collar of the stiffer fabric. “You were my first.” She gave him a joking punch to the shoulder before he could slip his shirt over his head.

A noise of surprise fell from his lips, before he let out a chuckle.

 

“God, I think I’m going to be sick.” Veronica dropped the camera, not knowing if she hit the stop button or not as she slid into the small bathroom connected to her bedroom. From the carpet of her room, you could see the window, the sun setting. You could hear her vomit from the bathroom. What you couldn’t hear, was the commentary by a certain ex-best friend.

“God, Veronica. This youtube bullshit is golden. Want me to get a good shot if the chunks coming out of your nose?”

Veronica waved dismissively at her, but since Chandler wasn’t really there, it did nothing to stop her. 

“I wish I could still post in Insta. Getting a shot of your murderous-ass face down in the porcelain would capture you so well. I think we found your angle, bitch.”

“Shut up, Heather.” Veronica groaned, shakily getting some toilet paper to wipe her face before she stood, reaching for her toothpaste and mouthwash.

“Let me get your camera. You still haven’t told them how you did it.”

 

And of course, she never told the camera the truth.

 

“Heather? Heather, it’s me.” Veronica called, slipping in the glass door of the Chandler home. JD was right behind her, letting her lead.

“What,” They heard her groan, from her bedroom upstairs. Her parents weren’t home, leaving the house eerily quiet.

“Its.. Its Veronica. I came to apologize.”

A moment passed before you could hear her more clearly, face now not buried in a pillow. “I hope you brought kneepads, bitch. Make me a prairie oyster, and I'll think about it.”

“Prairie Oyster? What's in that.. Vinegar? Raw eggs?”

JD dug in the cabinets and pulled out a mug. “Hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper.” She thanked him silently as she started to pull the list of things from the fridge and cupboards. 

“You sure know your hangover cures.”

He gave her a bittersweet smile as he placed the Worcestershire sauce on the counter. “My dad trained me well.”

She began to put the ingredients in the cup, swirling the gross concoction. A little smile rose on her cheeks. “Hey, I’ve got my revenge. I’ll spit a massive loogie in it, she’ll never know.” Her side of the kitchen was enveloped in the sound of her hacking, building up phlegm in the back of her throat before lodging it into the ceramic cup. JD paid little attention as he peeked under the sink.

“I’m more of a no rust buildup man myself,” JD says. Veronica looks over, as he stands straight and holds up a electric blue jug of Drain-o and smirks over to Veronica.

“Don’t be a dick, that stuff would kill her.” She dismissed, stirring in the loogie before adding more pepper.

“Thus, ending her hangover!” He continued almost in a sing-song voice. He pulled a class from the drying rack, filling it halfway with bright blue cleaner. “I say we go with big blue.”

“No.. besides, she’d never drink something that looks like that.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He went to pour it out, but stopped before anything made it down the drain.

Veronica felt nerves prickle up her arms as a smile returned to his face. 

“Unless we disguise it in a mug.” He then reached up into the cabinet and pulled out a second mug, transferring the blue liquid. “She’ll have no idea.”

“Forget it,” She says forcefully, hoping he would listen.

“Chicken, bawk bawk--”

“No, you’re not funny.” She snaps, looking back down to her cup.

She watched out of her peripheral vision that he came over to her and set down the mug. Hey, It was just a joke. I’m sorry.” There was sincerity in his voice, and she looked up. In a moment, she let him kiss her in apology. She reached to embrace him back as he snaked his hands around her sides, but Chandler’s voice came piercing through the house.

“Prairie Oyster! Chop chop!”

Blindly, Veronica grabbed a mug and moved away. 

“Woah wait, you just..”

“What?” Veronica turned back to him for a moment. 

In that second, staring into her eyes, JD made a decision, finding it easier than it should be.  _ She hurt Veronica. She deserves it. _

“Nothing.”

“Oh, okay?” She says, raising a brow at him before turning towards the stairs. JD is behind her again as she climbs, following her. Chandler’s room reflected her well. Big, and fancy. Themed white and red. Her bedding, her carpet, just about everything she owned fit her color, that striking red. Even the floral satin pajama robe she wore was so her it was signature.

“Aw, Veronica.. And Jesse James.  _ Quelle  _ surprise. Let's get to it. Beg.”

“Right, um, ok. I think we both said a lot of things that we didn't really mean last night--”

“Oh, I would actually prefer you did this on your knees. In front of your boy toy here.”

Veronica paused, biting back words she rather say. “Ok, anyways. I'm really sorry--”

“Do I look like I'm kidding? Down.” Chandler demanded. Veronica shot a glance behind her, but to her relief JD had looked away, busying himself at the window.

She goes down, kneeling into Chandler’s designer carpet. She drew her eyes down, as Heather slipped off her bed and bent to her, taking the cup. 

“That's better, but you're still dead to me.”

Looking up, Heather took a long swig from the cup and swallowed. Then, began to gag.

“Heather?” Veronica stood, as Chandler keeled over, gripping Veronica’s arms as she gagged.

“Corn-- Nuts--” She made out, before slipping from Veronica’s arms and falling to the floor.

Behind her, JD watched without moving to help.  _ Chandler dies, and maybe Veronica will be happy again _ . That’s the only thing in his mind.

“Holy shit!” He does say, as Veronica begins to freak out. Falling back to her knees, she prodded at Heather’s wrist trying for a pulse. “Oh my god, oh my god! Don't just stand there, call 911, call a fucking ambulance!”

“It’s a little too late for that.” 

Veronica pushed her fingers up into her hair, staring at the dead body in front of her. Was the room spinning? Was it getting harder to breathe?

“Oh, oh my god, I just killed my best friend..” She gasped.

“And your worst enemy.”

“Oh, same difference!” She screeched, not looking back to him with a flailing gesture. “The police are going to think that I did this on purpose. They're gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin.” Goodbye ivy walls and french cafes...

“Unless.. look, she was reading _The_ _ Bell Jar _ .” he said, in a fake surprise. Veronica pinched her eyes closed, refusing to look behind her to him. She felt him come closer though, and kneel beside her. Opening her eyes, she watched as he placed the book in her free hand.

“Oh, no..”

“Oh yes.. You can fake her handwriting, make her sound deep. Something like this: I had pain in my path, uh like Sylvia Plath, my problems were myriad.”

Veronica pinched her eyes closed again and tried to clear her head. “Um..ok. Heather would never use the word myriad in her suicide note, because she missed it on her vocab quiz.”

He let out a frustrated sigh. “So it's a badge for her failures at school. Work with me.”

Veronica paused. “Where do I start?”

Taking a steadying breath, he met her eyes and spoke gently. “Think long and hard, conjure her up in your mind. What would she say? What are her final words to a cold, uncaring planet?”

 

A tired looking Veronica held up a sheet of printer paper with Chandler's forged handwriting photocopied onto it. The look on her face was painful.

“Mrs. Fleming decided to gather all us up in the gym and let us all talk, and feel, and other emotional bullshit she really didn’t want to a part of. The only thing getting me through that fucking assembly was JD’s hand intertwined with mine as the kids around us preached. Suddenly Heather was a saint after reading her suicide note. Oh yeah, our teacher printed the entire senior class a copy of Heather’s fucking suicide note.” 

From behind her, Heather laid on her bed grinning. “Read it! Read it!” She let out a giggle and rolled to her back. “God, your stunt made me bigger than John Lennon!”

It was the end of that Monday back after killing Heather, and Veronica had just accepted the new burden in her life. She was obviously going crazy, if she was hallucinating. If she was being haunted, was another question. She had been shaken up enough, she didn’t need to think of Heather as an angry poltergeist in her condition. She wouldn't know if she could handle it.

Veronica decided she’d edit out her groan of pain as Heather began to wiggle closer to her side of the bed, where Veronica was leaning against, sitting on the floor in front of her vanity. With a deep breath, she looked down to the paper. 

 

“Dear world...   
Believe it or not, I knew about fear; I knew the way loneliness stung. I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes, I learned to kiss boys with my tongue. But the world, it held me down; it weighed like a concrete prom queen crown--”

 

“No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings. No one gets her insecurities, I am more than shoulder pads and makeup, no one sees the me inside of me.” She looked back to Veronica and her camera. “You might have made me sound like air supply, but it sure did real in all the losers at Westerberg.” She had read it many times since Veronica was handed a copy. She was equally unhappy with her, but ecstatic that even in death she was the most popular person in school. Veronica was just sick. Sick of it all, all the drama and forgiveness over her death, and just sick in general. It seemed guilt gave her nausea.

 

This footage would not make it into the video.

  
Veronica bowed her head and lowered the camera, as Chandler rolled a little, watching her for a moment before pulling a face. “Ew. are you going to puke again? I have seen you puke too many times in the last three days.”


	5. You Make It Sound Ugly, So We'll Make It Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some comfort from JD, Veronica is thrown into a shitstorm that hits her harder than she thought. A rumor spreads, and so does JD's anger.

“God, shut up Heather,” Veronica groans, leaning forward to set her camera on her vanity. Chander sits up and throws her a nasty look.

“You should have thought about how much I’d haunt you before you killed me! Now I’ll be coughing up Drain-o for all eternity.” She made forced hacking noises, which accidentally produced a slimy blue fluid that she coughed into her hand. “Ew.” She moaned, reaching for Veronica’s side table where a tissue box sat. 

Veronica let her head fall back on her bed. “Blame JD for that one. The worse you were gonna get from me was a loogie.”

“Ew!” She groaned, making another face. “I knew that boy was bad. And you just let him lie to you.”

She shook her head. “JD was just joking. I’m--I’m sure he didn't know it would actually kill you.”

“He’s as psycho as his dad! That old guy on tv with the explosive kink, right?”

“Oh,” Veronica let out a groan. ‘His dad is awful. His presence is unnerving--”

“Total pervo vibes.”

“All I can say is that his dad will not be speaking at our wedding.”

Chander scooted to her side of the bed with a look of surprise, leaning to look at Veronica. “You’ve thought of marrying that asshole? I bet he gets hard-ons when the victim dies on SVU.”

A knock came to her window, making Veronica jump out of her skin. Scuttling to her feet she peeked out her window to come face to face with JD.

“Hey!” She said in surprise, unlocking and lifting the window for him. “What the hell are you doing?”

Slipping in, he gave her a small smirk. “I thought you’d be no stranger to late night bedroom window visits.”

“No, it’s just, you’re gonna break something scaling that old ivy..” She peered out the window, before closing it behind him. “How-- How did you find my house?”

A guilty look flashed over his features before he peered behind her. “You were filming? About the weekend?”

He walked past her and picked up the camera from her vanity, and easily navigated to her library.

“Hey! Uh, even you gotta wait for Wednesday’s video. Plus, that’s all raw footage..” She said, walking over so she could cover the screen with her hands.

He smiled. “So? The videos where you stutter and ramble are always my favorite.” He leaned in for a kiss, and she gave him a cheek as she let out a flustered laugh.

“Jeez, you have been watching for a while, “ she commented as he peppered her cheek. Soon, he found her lips.

Distracted, she was able to slip the camera, which had more clips of her talking to her dead ex-friend then she liked him finding, from his hands. She was able to blindly shut it off and toss it to the bed before reaching for his cheeks. 

Sitting cross-legged on the edge of Veronica's bed, Chandler pointed down her throat with a look of disgust. “God, you really are fucking the psycho-trenchcoat kid. I think  _ I’m _ gonna puke.” She went unnoticed.

“So-- What’re you doing here?” Veronica asked between kisses.

“Oh! You have a crochet set in the back, wanted to know if you were up for a match.”

 

She was glad her parent's window faced the front yard, so they could go unnoticed as they played. Lots of sweet embraces and stolen kisses after every turn, like a fluttery therapy that she needed. She could almost forget Chandler and the fact that she was probably trying to cough up drain fluid onto her pillow.

Soon the sprinklers came on, and she was able to shoo him away. With a final, drawn out kiss, he let her go back upstairs as he walked down the street to his motorcycle. She crept inside, her pajamas damp from having to escape the streams of water. In her room, she saw her phone light up. 

Heather Mcnamara, calling.

She answered, eyes furrowing. “Hello?”

“ _ Veronica, I need help. I'm at the cemetery _ .”

“Cemetery, what? What's wrong?”

“ _ Just hurry up please, it's an emergency _ .”

“Uh, okay. I’ll be there soon.”

Hanging up, Veronica slipped on something a little more presentable than baggy pajama shorts and a Led Zepplin shirt, which she finally settled for one of the skirts Chander gave her and a button up blouse. In her opinion, a little too dressy for a walk in the cemetery, but to the Heathers, no event called for sweats and a messy bun.

Not having her license yet, she took her bike down the road and followed the curve till she got to the cemetery. Parking it just inside, hidden, she walked down one of the wider paths, for cars, and searched for Mcnamara.

At the end of the rocky road, headlights came on and a familiar figure scuttled past the lights. Veronica turned to a light jog and made it to Heather, finding her in Duke’s locked jeep.

Beside the car, laying still, was Kurt.

Mcnamara rolled down the window was Veronica approached, a glad look in her eyes.

“Is Kurt okay?”

“Oh yeah, he passed out. Me and Kurt and Ram and Heather Duke came out to pour a jug of Thunderbird on Heather's grave. You know from her homies. But Kurt and Ram drank it all.” She explained, glancing at the forest area around this side of the cemetery.

In front of the car, Kurt let out a moan. “Then Heather and Ram went off together and Kurt started grabbing me, and wouldn't stop.” Obviously disliking the thought, She adjusts her dress to cover her more.

“After everything that happened at Ram's party, why did you call me?” Veronica asked, curious as Kurt began to roll.

“Oh, that was the deal. If I got you to come, Kurt promised to leave me alone.” Mcnamara said with a little smile. Veronica gave her a look, one that bordered surprise and disgust.

“So.. you avoided date rape, by volunteering me for date rape?” She questioned, gesturing a little.

“God, you make it sound ugly.”   
Veronica pursed her lips and gave a weak wave at her, taking a step back. “Well, I'm leaving now.”

Turning, she had noticed Kurt had stood, using the front of the car for support.

“Hey Veronica! I waited ten whole beers for you..” Stepping closer to her, he promptly lost balance and went face down into the dirt again.

“Goddamit Ram, I said I’m done!” from across the way, Duke inches out of the brush, Ram clinging to her ankle. By the time She pulled away and got into her Jeep, Ram collided with the door, hard. 

“It’s science! I need relief.” 

Duke scoffed from inside the car.

From in front of Veronica, Kurt groaned and pointed to her. Mcnamara quickly rolled the window up again.

Suddenly, Ram had noticed her and a drunken smile spread on his face. “Heeey 'Ronica...   
Veronica grimaced, waving him off as Kurt fought to stand. “Oh no. You have a left hand, use it!”

“Don't talk mean like that!” Kurt whined from below her, now on his knees.   
“You'll hurt their feelings.” Ram continued.

“Who's feelings? What-- what are you talking about?”

“You make my balls so blue!” Ram started to sing, off key. 

“You hurt them badly.” Kurt joined in.

“You make my balls so bluuue!”

“They're hangin' sadly..”

“What did they do to yoouu that you hate them sooo?”   
“Don't run from me--”

Somehow in their drunken state, they were able to sync up and sing together.   
“They're all beat up like a tackling dummy!”

Veronica knocked on the door and stared down the two Heathers. “Heather, unlock the door.”

“Oh no!” They said together, a giggle coming from them as they grinned, happy to be out of harm's way.

“Open the door!” Veronica ordered, as the two drunken idiots kept singing drunkenly.  She danced around them avoiding their arms and their gyrating hips. Spotting the last fourth of the bottle of Thunderbird, she snagged it and held it out. 

“Look! Booze! Drink!”

Ram took it and guzzled it, before Kurt pulled it from him and took a massive gulp. Distracted, she flipped the girls the bird as they laughed at the drunken idiots and ran off.

 

“Dear Diary, close call last night. Heather Chandler was the only person at school who could control Kurt and Ram, and she is dead.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Chandler said beside her walking in the empty halls as she filmed. For her, it was uncomfortable for her to film at school, or anywhere public, but with how things had kicked up, she had to film clips whenever she could. 

“Technically I didn't kill Heather and I know that but I still feel bad… but not as bad as I should and that makes me feel even worse.”

That was a questionable line, but she would decide in editing to keep it or not. She would probably would delete it. She had been deleting a lot of clips lately, between Heather interrupting her or accidentally confessing to what really happened to her. She was struggling to scrape up a decent video before Wednesday.

Ahead, just far enough to not notice her, the Heathers were digging through a locker. Veronica jogged up.

Mcnamara saw her first. “Why do you have a camera?’

Ignoring her, Veronica changed the subject. “Oh hey, guys! I am really looking forward to that apology from you both, for being two _ice-cold bitches_ last night.”

Duke poked her head out of the locker, throwing her a nasty look. “Cleaning out Heather's locker. A little respect!”   
From beside her, Chander scoffed. “Heather Duke is such sad little poser.”

Turning back to the locker, they began pulling out makeup, chargers, a stack of little notes that had Kurt’s writing on them, and more. “Veronica, tell her to stop touching my stuff.”

When Veronica didn’t immediately step up, She set a hand on her hip and began getting increasingly louder, right in her ear. “Veronica... Veronica. Veronica!”   
“Shut up Heather!” Veronica snapped, turning to the invisible oppressor beside her.

Duke heard it as if it was aimed at her. Angry, she turned to her. “No! You shut up! I don't have to shut up anymore.”   
Holding out the red scrunchy, Mcnamara gasps. Next to Veronica, Chandler’s draw drops in surprise.

“Don’t you dare..” Chandler challenges, even though Duke can't hear her.

To prove so, Duke begins to gather her hair to the side and she ties the scrunchie.

“Hey, that's Heather's scrunchie.” Mcnamara defends, holding the pile of things Duke dragged out.

“Shut up, Heather!”

In a hauntingly familiar tone, Mcnamara responds. “Sorry, Heather..”

“Heather Chandler is gone, and it's up to me to replace her.” 

“Replace Heather Chandler?” Veronica questions.   
“Please.” Chandler whines in her ear.   
“You know what Veronica? I would worry a little less about me, and a little more about your reputation.” Duke continues.

From down the hall, motorcycle helmet under his arm, JD walked around the corner and approached behind Veronica as Duke continued. 

“Kurt and Ram are going around telling the whole school about your little three-way last night.”

From behind her JD speaks up with a surprised look, a twinge of hurt in his words. “Three-way?”   
Pivoting around at his voice with wide eyes, Veronica holds her hands up defensively, “There was no threeway! Nothing happened.”   
Veronica turns back as Duke continues. “I seem to remember differently. I seem to remember there was a huge sword fight in your mouth.”

The bell rings, and kids begin to flood the hall. The tell-tale red letterman jackets approach quickly.

“Hey, Veronica,” Ram throws an arm casually over her shoulder, ignoring JD only a few feet away.

She shoves him away as she shoots a nasty look. “Get off me, asshole. You're spreading shit that isn’t true.”

“Oh, last night? I remember you were a lot more friendly on your knees.”

Veronica opens her mouth to defend herself, but can’t find her words.

“Just like that!” Kurt joins in, smacking one of his friends in the shoulder.

“Both of you? And she allowed it?” He smirks, looking at Veronica pervertedly.

“That sure sounds crowded,” Says a nearby group of girls, as they pause to watch the humiliation. 

“And then we went south, bent her over like origami!” 

Veronica backed into the lockers behind her as Duke spoke up over the laughing as people crowded.

“And she’ll do the same for you!”

Shooting a desperate look to JD, he was already seeing red and stomping towards Kurt and Ram. he raised his fist to throw a punch but the small group of footballers saw him and were able to gang up on him. Quickly, they had him knocked to the ground and started kicking him.

“Stop! Fucking stop it!” Veronica yelled, trying to pry them off him. One of the other football players elbowed her away, and suddenly she was trapped in a tight circle of laughing teens. The bell rang, but only a few heard it and walked off. The others started to shout at the two.

“FREAK! SLUT! PSYCHO! SLUT! PUNKASS! SLUT! FREAK! SLUT! PSYCHO! SLUT! PUNKASS--”

“Hey! Hey!” From down the hall, the Coach booms over the laughing crowd as they taunted the two, circling them as JD caved around his side in pain. Hearing the Coach, they all scattered.

The Coach barely looked down to them as he shoved his players away. Soon, the hall was deserted besides her and him. 

Hands shaking, she kneeled and set and hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “JD, are you okay?”

He lifts his head and tries to roll, a look of pain crossing his features as he does so. He sets his jaw and sits up, reaching out for her as he looked her over. “Yeah, yeah I'm fine. How about you, are you ok?” He asks, a distraught look in his eyes.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I'm-- I’m awesome...” Veronica bites her lip, fighting away tears but they break through and she lets out a faint sob, covering her mouth. “I’m-- I'm sorry about the waterworks, just..” She mumbles out, pinching her eyes closed.

“They made you cry,” JD says, softly,  scooting closer to her. Setting his hands on her arms, the caring look held in his eyes, even though his tone went rough. “You are the best thing about this fucking broken world and they hurt you.”

He shoved away from her and shakily stood, pushing his fingers into his scalp. He didn't want to accidentally hurt her as he thought about what they all deserved for hurting her. To prove his point he had shot his fist out into the nearest locker and broke the skin at his knuckles.

Veronica, with a gasp, stood and stepped closer to him. “Are you okay!?”

JD stared blankly at his hand, the blood starting to trickle down his fingers before dropping down to the dirty tiles at their feet. Veronica saw just behind him, the Heathers didn’t close Chander’s locker all the way in their hurry and it was open and inch. Walking around him, she dug inside and pulled out her never-used Gym shirt. She carefully took his hand, wrapping it crudely as it quickly grew red. 

“I was alone.” He said, quietly, eyes still at his own hand as Veronica held the fabric against the wound. “I was like a frozen lake, and you’ve melted me awake. I never-- never lost it like this before. Seeing you like this makes me want to rip them limb from limb and cry at the same time.”

“JD, you’re not alone,” She mumbled, eyes stinging with tears again. “I’m--I’m here for you.”

“Add I’m here for you.” His eyes finally left his hand and stared right into her eyes. With his free hand, he reached out and held her cheek. “Go ahead and cry. Tomorrow, we’ll burn away that tear and build a city all our own, separate from those, those--”

“JD, JD..” Veronica leaned into his touch, biting her lip. He let out a frustrated sigh.

“Veronica, our love is God.”

“What?” She questioned, quietly.

“Chaos killed the dinosaurs, Darling.  _ We’re _ what killed the dinosaurs… like an asteroid that's overdue.” He licked his lips as his voice softened, watching her eyes desperately, lovingly. “They died because the world needed room for me and you.”

“Our love is God..” She said, leaning closer to him.

“I worship you.. They all will disappear, I--I promise you! And we’ll build a garden, something beautiful here, where they hurt you. I’ll never let you feel that way again, Veronica, I’d--I’d trade my life for yours if I had to. Our love  _ is  _ God!”

“Our love is God..” She repeated, her heart going a mile a minute at his words.

He gave her a smile, pulling her closer still and placing a kiss at her lips. She melted into him as he gripped the shirt in his bloody hand and moved it to set on her back. After a long moment, he pulled away, with a thoughtful look. He then stepped away and grabbed the helmet from the ground. “Follow me, I have a plan.”


	6. Just A Bit Too "Rock And Roll"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JD has a plan. And with a sweet kiss and some kind words, he's able to get Veronica behind it too. But after bumming off two more of her classmates, she's torn between her love for JD and the haunting fact that he knowingly killed and is unfazed by it.

"This is insane.." Veronica stared across at JD, who watched her as she mulled over his plan. She sat on his bed, turning her phone in her hands.

"The best plans are," He countered. She bit her lip. she wasn't even sure if she could make a convincing call. 

"If you do it, I’ll let you stay the night," He grinned, he earned a little laugh out of her.

"Oh, you'll let me, huh?" She smiled back. "As if you’d ever turn me away."

He chuckled back, reaching for her hand as she still fidgeted with her phone. "Fine, you got me. Still, this little prank will put those assholes in their places."   
She let out a long sigh and pulled her hand from his, unlocking her phone.

"Yes!" He chuckled, scooting to her side as she pulled up Kurt's contact and hit call. JD leaned into her, grinning into the crevice at her neck as you could hear Kurt loudly pick up.

" _ Yeah-lo? _ "

"Hi Kurt." Veronica answered, a fake innocence to her voice. She could hear him whisper her name and assumed Ram was there too. As she continued, JD started nipping at her neck, making her bite her lip to keep from laughing. "I was just wondering. How did you know that it's always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once?"

You could hear his shock in his voice. " _ Uhhh... lucky guess? _ "

"Well if you want it to come true, meet me at the cemetery, at dawn."

Quickly, she hung up and huddled closer to JD.

“Hey you, You almost messed up your plan.” She giggled, grabbing at his hands as he started to pull her closer.

“How so, Darling? Sounded like it went fine to me.”

“You were gonna make me laugh!” she said, finally letting him bury his face in her neck again. This time, left a sweet kiss and a warm sigh on her skin.

“But you didn't, and now it's time for phase two.”

He pulled away,  leaving her on the bed as he turned to his dresser. Hand outstretched to him as he left her, shock registered on her face as he turned, holding two guns.

“W-Woah..” A familiar sickening feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she watched him turn over the first pistol in his hand. “Are.. Are those real?”

“Yeah.” Looking up to her, the smug tone in his voice dropped as he stepped closer to her, setting the guns down before pulling a small box from where they came from. “But, we’re going to be filling them with  _ ich luge _ bullets.” Gesturing to the beaten ammo box where a handful of bullets rattled inside, he sat down again with her.

“ _ Ich luge _ .. What does that mean?”

“My granddad scored these in World War II, they contain this powerful tranquilizer. The Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin.” He smiled over at her again, before picking up one pistol to slide the cartridge from its base. Currently, it was empty. “We will use them to knock out Ram and Kurt long enough to make it look like a suicide pact. Complete with a forged suicide note.”

“B-but, wait..”

“You’ve lured them perfectly. You just have to forge a suicide note and--and we’ll knock them out, they’ll be found when morning comes, and they’ll be laughing stocks!”

Veronica stayed quiet as she stared between the guns and the eager look on her boyfriend’s face.

“Veronica..” JD set down the gun, before scooting closer to her and setting a gentle hand on her cheek. “They hurt you, and they deserve a taste of their own medicine, remember? So let’s make them regret saying those things by going and hunting those jocks.”

She hesitated, but she finally pulled one of the pistols from the bed. With a hint of a smile, she looked back to JD. “Let’s go hunt some jocks.”

 

Loaded pistol tucked in the back of her skirt waistband, she stood innocently enough that when Kurt and Ram came through the trees, they both had dopey smiles. She twisted her foot into the dirt, arms tucked behind her, resting against the cool metal of the gun.

Kurt was the first to speak, clearing his throat before speaking in a deeper voice. “Hey, Veronica.”

“So do we just whip it out or what?” Ram blurted, earning a smack in the arm from Kurt.

Veronica faked a smile, watching the two boys. “Oh, not so fast, Ram… Strip for me.”

Their grins grew as they mumbled their okays around a chuckle. Attempting to be sexy, they stripped from their jackets and shirts. ‘What about you?”

Veronica might have gone pale, but they couldn't notice in the early morning light. The soft glow as the sun inched up was just enough to set shadows on all their faces. Even JD’s who hid behind a nearby tree.

She didn’t expect them to ask that. She recovered quickly, doing a little bounce on her toes as the words came to her. “Oh! Well, I was hoping you could rip my clothes off me, Sport.”

They didn't notice her falter. With a quick glance between each other, they nodded quickly.

“We can do that!”

She let them strip fully, down to just their underwear and socks. She then took a steadying breath. She couldn't wait to see their faces when they saw the gun.

“Okay. On the count of three,” She said, watching them with a smile. Together, they began to count.

“One.. two..”

“ _ Three _ .”

From behind the tree, JD stepped out gun already aiming for Ram. Eyes widening, they stumbled as the two lovers shot them. JD hit his mark, a small wound at Ram’s neck before he collapsed. Veronica missed, the kickback coming to a surprise for the girl. Noticing he wasn't shot, Kurt bolted.

“You stay here, I’ll go get him. Kurt!” Before Veronica could reply, JD was off after him.

Getting quieter the farther he ran, Veronica could hear Kurt began to shout.

“Why are you chasing me? I was joking about the Bo Diddley thing! You-- you  _ killed  _ my best friend!”

_ Killed _ .

Veronica stepped towards Rams silent body as those words began to echo in her mind.

_ My _ .

‘Ram? You’re just unconscious, right.. Ram?” Tapping his foot with her shoe, she waited for any sign of life.

_ Best _ .

Her heart fell as he stayed still. Scuttling to kneel beside him, she dropped the gun.

_ Friend _ .

“Oh my god..” She gasped, poking at his neck. This time, she was sure she had the vein but felt no pulse. It wasn't till then she realized there was a growing puddle of blood spewing from his throat. Even if it was just a tranquilizer bullet, it would have collapsed his esophagus and he would have died regardless. The puddle grew and it reached her knees, making them russet and sticky. Her hands shook as she stared at his dead body.

“Ram..” She let out a little yelp in surprise as another gunshot could be heard echoing through the forest. The resonating thump of Kurt's body hitting the ground felt louder in Veronica's chest. She clutched it, trying to control her breathing.

Footsteps ran closer, before coming to a halt in the clearing their choice. She didn't need to look up to know who it was.

“What the  _ fuck  _ have you done?” She demanded, a shake in her voice she couldn’t stop. Standing, she finally looked up to him. The pistol was still in his hand as he watched her carefully. It resonated off her like smoke-- anger mixed with fear.

Fear.. Fear of him.

“I worship you,” He said softly, trying to calm her. With a slow, move motion, he pushed the pistol into one of his deep pockets of his coat before stepping closer to her. She stepped back.

“Veronica, please,” He continued, choosing his words carefully. “We finished this war for what, popularity? Veronica, Veronica please..”

He was almost pleading as he continued to approach her and she continued to back away. Stepping over Kurt's body, he watched her back collided with the thick trunk of a tree.

“I’d trade my life for yours, I'd do anything for you. I-I promised you, that I’d make them all disappear, they would never hurt you again.” He continued to come closer, but she was trapped. Soon, he was able to touch her cheek with his bandaged hand. “ _ Our love is God. _ ”

Those words were heavier now. It carried a weight that only JD could bring as if he believed that their love and all that they do for it, made all of this okay. Made killing okay, as if they were-- were _Gods_ among mortals.

In her frozen state, he was able to pull her from the tree and into his chest. She braced her hands on his chest, but couldn’t bring herself to push away. Instead, she broke. Sobbing into his chest, she couldn't imagine what was going through his head. She could barely think herself, as she numbly let this killer hold her in his gentle arms.

_ How could a man with such gentle intentions hurt the people around him so severely? _

He began to repeat the last phrase, as if to solidify it as he tightened his arms around her, feeling her dampen his shirt. It broke his heart hearing her cry.

He wanted to make sure she never cried again. 

 

Veronica looked like a wreck. Hair slightly disheveled, outfit barely kept together, dark circles under her eyes. It had been a week since she helped kill Kurt and Ram, a week since she saw or talked to JD. She held the camera up as she leaned against the white walling of the church, where Kurt and Ram’s dads were holding their ceremony. At least this time around, she doesn’t have a need to vomit.

“Dear Diary. I'm going steady. And JD? Well, mostly he's awesome, if a bit too "rock and roll". I haven’t talked to him, but that's fine. I.. I really need to speak with him about.. Things. Between the Heathers being bitches and finding me around every corner and-- and..” She took a second, gulping thickly. It was getting harder to lie to the camera, so she started telling the truth and deleting it later.

“Lately he's bummed off three of my classmates, God, have mercy on my soul.. You know, they were just Seventeen! Barely adults, barely living when we killed them. They still had a chance to be beautiful. To change their asshole ways and do something with their lives. And we took that from them..” She sniffed softly, before looking back to the camera. 

“I'm having a rough time dealing with Kurt and Ram’s death. I just hope all this blows over soon.”

She felt his presence before he spoke. Leaning on the wall a few feet away, Was JD. In mock enthusiasm, she turned back to the camera.

“Dear Diary, guess what? My teen angst bullshit now has a body count.”

It earned a chuckle from him, but she didn't even crack a smile before lowering the camera and shutting it off.

“There’s been a lack of girls climbing through my bedroom window lately.”

She threw him a look as she crossed her arms. “Take a hint.”

“Okay,” He rose his hands in defense. “You’re angry, I get it.”

“No, I don't think that you do,” She snapped, glancing over to him. “ _ Ich Luge _ bullets.. You lied to me.”

You were lying to yourself,” He countered, stepping closer. This time she stood her ground. “You wanted them dead.”

“Did not!”

“Did too.”

“Did not!”

“Did too.”

“Did not--”

“Hey! Did they make you cry?”

She went quiet before giving an answer. ‘Yes..”

“Can they make you cry anymore?” A smile played on his lips.

Her expression darkened. “No, but you can.”

He shook his head dismissively as she looked away. “Just wait for the good that will come from this.”

“No good can possibly come from this--”

“Call me an optimist. “He spread his arms out wide. “Now are you gonna come in with me or not?” he moved one hand to face her more, offering it to her. She stared at his hand for a long time, the hand that shot and killed both boys that they were here to mourn. She ended up taking it anyway as she let him lead her inside.


	7. When Every Asshole Is Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica and JD attend Kurt and Ram's funeral, and afterward, Veronica is fed up with JD's behavior and decides to take a new route toward helping him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting good! I really am enjoying transcribing songs into scenes, and expanding on parts and of course would make the play four hour-long is expanded then. Just to let you guys know I'm on spring break, so more chapters probably will be coming your way soon! I am preparing for a trip next Monday to Disneyland so I might be preoccupied with that, but I'll be working some and since I babysit, I can sit and watch the musical and transcribe it into the fic. We're almost at the end! Just about forty more minutes of the musical, and this last stretch goes by fast. I can't believe we're already at 16,000 words in seven chapters. Woo! Okay, you can go onto the chapter!

“I don't really know what I’m supposed to say up here. It’s a shame, honestly, my family has turned our town into a laughing stock.” Spoke Kurt’s Dad, a short, stubby man who seemed nervous to speak in front of all his son’s friends and families. “My boy Kurt wasn’t who I thought he was, and when  think of the sick, disgusting things Ram and he-”

“You wait just a minute, Paul!”

Veronica closed her eyes and focused on keeping her hands from shaking as she held up her camera, unseen enough that one one but JD beside her noticed. She filmed as the two dads bickered and began to preach about how their sons were fine as they were, gay. Veronica’s stomach grew in knots. She was happy that Kurt’s dad was more open to the idea of a gay man the more Ram’s dad preached, but she didn't want him to realize this over his son's coffin.

But when they kissed, in front of the fifty or so people crammed in the small church, she couldn't believe she got it on film.

Gagging noises came beside her, and when she looked, she realized it was Kurt and Ram. Still stripped to their underwear and socks, gaging at each other as they witnessed their dads making out.

They stood in the center of the walkway between the two sides of pews and no one batted an eye.  _ Great. I am going crazy. Positively psycho. At least Heather-- _

A loud gasp came from her feet as they two older men parted, looking at each other. “The scandal of a century! Kurt, Ram, it looks like your mommies are going to have to scissor each other for thrills now.”

Veronica looked down to see Chandler, posed hotly at her feet as she watched the two at the altar like she was at a movie. Kurt and Ram seemed to be too busy freaking out over seeing their dads make out to notice her.

Veronica set the camera down and bowed her head as the people around her erupted in applause. JD leaned into her, snaking a hand around her arm and giving it a gentle squeeze as if to remind her that he was there. “You okay?” He asked, softly in her ear as the crowd settled.

She nodded and left it at that. She wasn’t but wasn’t about to explain that she was seeing the ghosts of the peers she killed react to the world that thinks they’re gone forever.   
  


  
Veronica was silent the way back to JD’s place. The ride on his motorcycle didn't leave much room for conversation anyways, as she balanced gripping onto JD’s torso and holding her skirt down as they flew through the streets. Riding right into his father’s garage, his car was missing. They had the house to themselves. She then crossed her arms, silently following him inside and past his kitchen, toward the stairwell to the second floor towards his bedroom.

When she hesitated at the foot of the stairs, he finally decided to speak up about it how unnaturally silent she was being.

He opened his arms wide, a few steps up from her. He then began sniffing the air, as if he caught a whiff of something strange. “Hm, what’s that I smell? Tolerance?”

She crossed her arms again and pressed her hip into the metal railing.

“Inclusion, love, how often can you say it’s a good day to live in Sherwood, Ohio--”

“Hey, you don't have to be so smug about it,” She said, stopping him.

He gave her a soft smile, walking down the few steps and dipping close to her lips. “Your love keeps me humble.” With a chaste kiss on her lips, he pulled away and set his hands on her arms.

“So who’s next?”

Veronica took a step back, away from him as his little smile grew.

“Heather Duke? She’s the one who started that nasty rumor, right? I’ve been underlying meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick if you know what I mean--”

“No! No, I do not accept this, we’ve already killed three people, this ends right here, right now!”

“Or what?” he grinned like it was a joke. A pained look crossed her features as she took another step back.

‘Or.. I’ll break up with you.”

His demeanor changed, the smile disappeared. “Any war with casualties doesn't mean it's not worth fighting.” He turned away, pushing a hand into his hair. “What-what, you rather go to jail, huh? What, give a free pass to the thugs who hurt people? Evil fucks that make life so-so  _ unbearable  _ that you can't stand to live in the world anymore?” His voice rose the farther he went, as he turned back to her and gestured with his hands.  They tightened to fists.

“JD!” Her mouth hung open for a moment before she closed it and flexed her own hands gently at her sides. She calmed her tone down as she looked back and found his eyes. “How did your mom die?”

It took him a moment to answer, his voice going quiet. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

A chuckle, almost like a hidden sob escaped his lips as a smile rose, but he covered it quickly as he pinched his eyes closed and turned, walking in a small circle before facing her again. “My Dad said it was an accident.” there was almost a humor in his words along with a pain. As if he didn't play it off he’d begin to cry. The longer she was around him the more she realized that he fought emotion like it was foreign and unwelcome. Maybe it was. If he’d just let her in, she’d know how she can help him. Learning about his mom, was a step closer to that.

“She knew what she was doing.” He stepped closer to her, a far away look in his eyes. He obviously wasn’t there with Veronica as he remembered the day. “She walked into the building two minutes before Dad blew it up.”

His jaw set as he kept himself composed. He wasn't looking into her eyes.

“She waved at me from the window. Then.. kaboom. She left me.” He motioned with his hands, slowly moving his hands away from his chest. He looked away, pushing a hand into his hair again.

“I-I’m so sorry, I--”

A melodic laughter fell from his lips. He was smiling as he turned back to look at her. “It’s okay! The pain gives me clarity. You and I, were special, we have a lot of work to do.”

“What work?” Veronica mumbled, watching him gesture actively.

“Working on making a decent world for people who are decent!”

Veronica approached him, arms outstretched as if to stop him. “And when does it end!?”

“When every asshole is dead!” He yelled, in her face without a fraction of regret as he spread his arms wide as if showing a point. Shoving him away and out of her face, he stumbled and turned his back to her, stepping into the arch of the living room to the kitchen. Veronica, took a few steadying breaths as she fought off another panic attack.

“Fine we’re damaged,” She choked out, stepping back to grip the railing. She could see JD shake his head as he faced away from her. “But that does not make us wise. We’re not special, we’re not different, we don’t get choose who lives or dies.”

When he didn't respond, she took a breath and pushed her palm into her forehead before looking up to him again. “Let’s be normal! See bad movies, sneak a beer and watch tv. We’ll bake brownies or fuck, something normal! Dont--Don’t you want a life with me?”

Tears began to spring in her eyes, but she ignored them as she stared onward towards his dark figure. She couldn't tell if he was listening or not, but continued anyway. “Let's--let's be seventeen, okay? That’s all I want to do. If you could let me in, let me know and be there for you, I could.. I could be good for you.”

She wiped her cheeks roughly and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning side to side on her feet as she watched him carefully. “People hurt us--”

“Or they vanish.” He butted, quietly. His head moved an inch to look at her, as if he was holding back.

“And you’re right, it really blows. But we have to let go.”

“Take a deep breath..” As if to demonstrate she could hear him take a long breath.

“Maybe prom night..”

Finally, he turned to her, a gentle look on his face as he met her eyes.

“Maybe dancing..”

“Don't you dare stop looking in my eyes! JD, can’t.. Can’t we be seventeen?” She rose an arm, outstretched to him as she spoke. “Is that so hard? If you could let me in, I can help you, I can be good for you.”

He nodded haphazardly as he stepped closer to her again hands open and inviting as he reached for her, too.

“Let us be seventeen, if we still have the right.. So what’s it gonna be? I.. I wanna be with you..”

“I wanna be with you too..”

Veronica stepped forward and crashed her lips on his, arms wrapping around his neck. In his surprise he took a step back to balance himself, arms automatically wrapping around her, holding her close. After a long moment her face screwed up, and she pushed herself out of his arms. Holding her arms still in that defensive position she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, tasting him on her lips. 

“Yeah we’re damaged..” she said, quietly, as if fighting herself. She couldn't help fighting all that he'd done, how unapologetic he was about it, but she still felt a pull to him, like a magnet in her chest.

“Badly damaged..”

“But your love’s too good to lose.” Her eyes met his, and that familiar, warm sparkle in his eyes returned. She stepped closer again, pulling his arm around her.

“Hold me tighter?”

“Even closer..” He replied, pulling her into his arms as he pressed his lips to her hair.

“I’ll stay if I’m what you choose.”

His voice broke, hiding in Veronica’s hair. “C-can we be seventeen?”

“If I am what you choose..”

They stayed like that for a while, holding each other tightly. Veronica turned in his embrace, kissing him again, and again, wiping the tears from his cheeks. Part of her hated seeing him so vulnerable but rejoiced in the back of her mind. He let her in, she could finally help him.  After burying their faces in each other's necks, they both decided silently to move themselves to his bedroom.

And so they laid in his bed for the rest of the afternoon, into the night, talking. He told her about how awful his dad is, how painful it was losing his mother, how the years after her death ate at him and made him want to kill himself. How he turned that feeling away from him and made a shield for anyone who wanted to get too close, and that he was sorry for blocking her out all this time... Sorry for leading her to kill her friends.

Soon They fell asleep, but before Veronica let herself drift off she snuck a text to her mom about staying with McNamara for the night, and relaxed. She watched him sleep, the peaceful look on his face, his innocence that was unmasked. She pulled an arm between them as she laid in his arms, and set it gently on is cheek.

“And they all lived happily ever after,” Came an unpleasant voice from behind her. Veronica turned in JD’s arms, before sitting up. He barely noticed her move as he slept on. Chandler was sitting, legs crossed in the chair in JD’s book corner, the light from the moon setting eerie shadows across Heather’s face. “You really believe that? After this, it all goes back to normal?”

Veronica watched her silently, pain crossing her features. She didn’t want to think about her efforts to help him not working she just had to try, unabashedly, without the thought of failing.

“Oh, don’t give me that wounded look. You know exactly what he is and you love it.”

“Stop it, stop talking--”

“Only a true  _ dead  _ best friend would give it to you straight.” She smiled apologetically at the jab.

Veronica pushed her fingers into her scalp before a warm hand touched her side. She turned to see JD, barely awake, watching her. “You okay? Bad dream?”

Ignoring the scoff from Chandler, she turned back to him and laid back down. ‘Y-yeah, I’m fine now..”

He nodded, before pulling her closer to him and more under the blanket. “I got you.”


	8. Publicity Stunt-Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when things start to get better, Everything gets worse. So much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a loooong chapter. My average length is four to five pages, and this was about nine. Holy crap. Enjoy it! I wanted to update earlier but I had to babysit, and I; it byve been stressing over driving the freeway and I've been doing lots of packing.. Lots of stuff. I already have a lead and a scene I;m really looking forward to writing to start the next chapter so If I can finish that by tomorrow night, you'lit by then. if not, you'll have to wait a few days since I'll be off at Disneyland.
> 
> Also, this is kinda the beginning of McNamara and Veronica being a.. thing. It won't be really explored for a while, but this is just the seed that plants it for later. I have plans past the end of the musical, and I plan to extend this to a second story, about after Highschool and college and all that fun stuff. I gots the plans1 and They may or may not involve McNamara and Veronica being all lovey dovey, whoops.

The next morning, she rode with him silently to school. This time, the silence wasn’t awkward or sickening, it was almost comforting. There was a new found understanding that tied them together, farther than anything else they had done had. She clung onto his waist, face buried in his collar without regret. 

They parted at school, he had a grade counseling meeting in the morning and Veronica had to catch up on what she had missed in the last few days. Skipping school to kill her peers was proving detrimental to her chances of getting into a good school, and she was inclined to fix that today.

Digging in her locker, she pulled her notebooks from the red compartment. She just about jumped out of her skin when she felt the hurried tapping on her shoulder. 

Turning, she found it was Martha, with a desperate look in her eyes. “Veronica! I need your help,’ She urged, holding her folder tight to her chest.

“Uh, sure, anything,” Veronica said without hesitation. Seeing her friend in such a state made a weird feeling boil in her stomach.

She came closer, glancing around at the kids passing as they ignored the two. Her voice lowered. “Something doesn’t add up. I think Kurt and Ram were murdered.”

A weight fell on her shoulder, Chandler was suddenly there, leaning into her and using her for support as she crossed her ankles. “Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw!” Veronica fought the flinch she wanted to make from Chandler shouting this in her ear. “Nancy Drew’s onto you, Veronica.”

She tried to shove her off without looking like a complete psycho, elbowing an invisible force before gently taking Martha’s arm and walking away from Chandler. 

“W-What are you saying, they found a suicide note..”

“It could have been faked! You forge stuff all the time, right?” She countered, walking beside her as she desperately tried to get her point across.

“I am in love with this fat girl.” Chandler was quick to catch up, to no surprise. She went to link arms with Martha’s other side but phased right through her arm.

“That’s-that’s ridiculous, who would want to kill Ram and Kurt?” Veronica pushed back, ignoring Chandler and focusing on deterring Martha.

“I.. I think it might be your friend, JD. “ She said, quieter now. “You saw how he went at them in the lunchroom..”

The bell went off, and the kids around them scattered. Uncharacteristically of Martha, she didn’t move to hurry to class. Instead, she took everyone leaving as a chance to really talk with her friend.

“That really sucked.” a shiver ran down Veronica’s spine as ahead, dodging people getting to their classes, Kurt and Ram appeared.

“There’s something off about JD, I know it.” Martha continued, oblivious to the two jocks, still stripped to almost nothing. 

“Looks like Veronica is going to lady prison. Girl on girl!” Ram started pushing his hands together as if his fingers were legs and they were scissoring each other. Chander and Veronica both grimaced. 

As the two idiots started to moan, Veronica pinched her eyes closed and tried to will them away-- all of them away.

“I want to look into JD’s locker, I thought you might be able to get me the combination,” Martha said, breaking through Veronica’s distractions once again.

“I bet there are all kinds of things in there! Maybe _ Ich Luge bullets _ ?” Chander butted in, stepping in front of them as they stopped a few lockers away from Veronica’s, and across from JD’s. Veronica eyed it dauntingly.

“This is a pretty wild theory, Martha,” Veronica dismissed, ignoring that she asked for his combo.

“I don’t care what they said at the funeral, Ram was not gay!” Martha said confidently. “I’d bet my life on it.”

“Ram’s a fatty magnet!’ Shouted Kurt, who earned a punch to the shoulder by Ram.

“Hey, at least I don't have skid marks.”

Veronica watched as Kurt turned and they started to fight, slapping at each other as they yelled insults at each other. It was only eight and her head was pounding, she couldn’t take these three, and now Martha trying to dig where she shouldn’t. Her outburst came before she could stop herself.

“Stop it! Stop it--”

“Stop what?” Veronica's attention returned her her friend as they two jocks did stop. “Veronica, what’s wrong with you?” 

Veronica fought to at least appear sane, standing straight, and giving her friend an apologetic look. II’m sorry, I just trying to understand, okay-- but Ram was gay and fine, why would you think anything else?”

“He kissed me, remember? On the kickball field!”

“In Kindergarten..”

“My heart knows the truth!”

“Time to choose Veronica. Eat, or be eaten.” Chander said, slipping between her and Martha to speak into her face, before stepping away to stand by Kurt and Ram.

“Why would Ram write me the note if he still didn't love me?” Veronica’s mouth hung open, no words finding her lips as Martha continued. “ Why would he invite me to his homecoming party? I’m going to confront JD--”

Veronica shot forward, setting her hands on her arms as if to physically stop her. “No! No don’t, just--” 

“Do you have the guts!?” Yelled Chander from behind Veronica. As if in a break of sanity, Veronica broke out into a smile and laughed lightly in Martha’s face.

“Wow Martha you floor me, you really do.” She replied, her voice almost easygoing. Martha couldn't tell that Veronica's nails were now digging into her own arm as Veronica moved away and crossed them. Martha’s expression dropped.

“What do you mean?”

“Ram didn’t write that note, I did.”

Hurt crossed Martha’s face but she played it off with a little laugh. “No..”

Veronica sucked in air sharply, leaning back on her heels. ‘Yeah.”

Veronica instantly hated herself for the look that crossed Martha’s face. She could feel Heather’s stare behind her though, and was willed to continue.  _ It's to protect her, _ she reasoned in her mind.

“The Heather’s put me up to it. The whole school knew and nobody laughed harder than Ram. He didn't love you. He was a dick.. and now he’s dead. Move on.”

Before Veronica could continue, Martha bolted from her and ran around and right through Ram. He seemed unfazed. Veronica turned to watch her go as Martha made a straight line for the school doors, leaving. As the door slammed behind her, a dry sob like feeling rose in Veronica’s chest.

“Shit.” She turned, hands going to her hair when she was met with Chandler. The smug look on her flawless, red-lipped face made Veronica want to vomit. 

“Okay, no I had to hurt her, if JD caught her going through his stuff he would-”

“Kill her?” Chander rose her hands up defensively, her lips forming an o in mock surprise. “Is that what you’re afraid of? I thought the Desperado hung up his six guns. Don’t you trust him?”

A beep came over the intercom, before Mrs. Fleming's voice could be heard.

_ “Alright! Senior class, meet in the gym! Special assembly!” _

“Jesus christ..” Looking back to Chander, she was gone. Ram and Kurt too. Just on time for the classrooms around her to open and file out and towards the gym.

She followed the crowd, fidgeting with her hair to occupy herself and keep from appearing too crazy. She took long breaths, pinching her eyes closed when she could afford it without walking into someone or something.

“I’m kinda looking forward to this,” Veronica opened her eyes to see McNamara smile to Duke as they filed into the Gym. Duke, not noticing Veronica, put a hand on her hip.

“What, did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”

McNamara’s expression dropped. “Sorry, Heather.”

Separated from them, Veronica quickly gave up on the thought of catching up with McNamara and pulling her to sit with her instead of Duke.  She fell into line as teachers tried to get everyone to sit in straight lines bottom to top. It wasn't working as well as they hoped, people still moved to sit in groups with wide pieces of the benches between them.

“Hey,” Veronica turned to be met with JD, who laced his fingers into hers as he caught up. Pushing his dark hair from his eyes, he squeezed into the line so he could sit with her. She could almost melt into this warm presence but she still felt sick to the stomach.

“Hey.” She replied quietly, fighting to sound normal. Apparently, it didn't work.

“What's the matter?”

Veronica, now able to move up into the benches, led them high and away from others in the bleachers before sitting down on an empty row. Now she was able to press her back into the cold wall and take another steadying breath. This time, it felt like it worked.

“Nothing, just had a fight with--”

“HELLO WESTERBURG!”

Their attention was tuned to the center of the gym, where Mrs. Fleming stood with a microphone in hand. She had her free arm held out wide as if to welcome the Senior class in front of her. Only now did Veronica notice the cameras on either side of the bleachers.

The class gave a weak response, but that didn't deter her. Requesting another try, the kids around Veronica and JD gave a louder, more zealous response.

“Ah, hello to a very special assembly. Now, I want you all to ignore the cameras and television group's, they're just here to document this significant moment.”

Veronica easily tuned her out, leaning closer to JD’s side. She focused on the warmth of his skin, the worn softness of his coat as he set their twined hands on his leg. She needed to catch a grip and JD was helping, even though he wasn't doing much else than just holding her hand.

She was able to ignore Fleming’s speech, till she got her her closing words.

“--now, the most important decision in a teenager's life is whether or not to kill themselves,” She began, fishing a list from her jacket pocket as she spoke. “Since the unfortunate deaths of some of our peers who I know have touched everyone here, I’d like to bring some of Heather, Kurt, and Ram’s closest friends.” She listed off the Heathers, the football team, and Veronica as she sat with her jaw hanging open momentarily. With a gesture to her as Fleming saw she hadn't budged, Veronica stood and pulled JD’s hand with her, while he stayed sitting. With an irate look finding her eyes, she looked back to him. “I can’t face this publicity stunt-bullshit without you.”

Fleming gave her a look of surprise as she came down the bleacher stairs with JD behind her.

“Aaand Jason Dean.. Well, if these three touched him as well he can join to1’ She recovered as veronica led him to stand behind the Heathers. She then went on to let everyone she brought down say a few words about the three deaths. Veronica, and after a tight squeeze of his hand to JD, they both passed on all occasions to speak. She could almost taste the venom in his voice if she let him speak some false speech for the people they killed.

McNamara passed too, as she fiddled with her skirt. Duke, of course, had a speech to give as she looked right into the nearest camera and played it off just as Chandler would, making herself look better than everyone else.

“Now, I want to open the safe zone to everyone in the room. We are all here to support and help one another. Do I have any volunteers to speak about their problems? The best way to overcome our fears is to talk it out amongst people you trust.”

To no one's surprise, the students stayed quiet. Even the class clowns in the audience stayed sitting.

“Alright, I’ll start.“ Fleming said not missing a beat “My name is Pauline, I live alone, my husband left me and my kids are grown. In the 60's love was free, that did not work out well for me. I have struggled with despair. I've joined a cult, chopped off my hair. I chant, I prayed, but God's not there. So Steve--” She turned herself and pointed to the first line of teachers and staff, towards the coach. He went white. “--I'm ending our affair!”

The gym went quiet as the coach fought to compose himself. 

“This might be a bad time to mention that I faked it. Every damn time.”

This, on the other hand, got quite a few laughs from the seniors as the coach had to excuse himself.

“Woo, it feels fan-freaking-tastic to let go, doesn’t it?”She raved, letting out a breath of air as she just about danced in front of the students. They seemed to look at this spectacle as a joke. “Now, do I have any other--”

“I thought about killing myself!” 

McNamara stepped forward as Duke shot daggers at her.

“What the hell are you doing--” 

“Shh!” Flemming stopped Duke, speaking into the mic before handing it to the usually quiet Heather. “Keep talking, Heather, you’re in a safe space. Just you and me and the classmates who love you.”

A congregated scoff could be heard from the audience but it seems only Veronica could hear it as McNamara took the mic and spoke shakily into it. 

‘M-My last boyfriend died because he was gay for his linebacker. And-and my best friend who seemed to have it all together, now she’s gone too. And now my stomach hurts worse and worse, and every day on the bus I-I hear my heart beat louder and faster, and I’m like Jesus I’m on the freaking bus again because all my rides to school are dead.”

Duke seemed to be fuming, but before she could step up and take the mic from her friend, Flemming kept her in one spot.

“It.. It feels like I’m floating in a boat, and the sea around is so dark and cold and it’s this t-tiny lifeboat full of people, friends, family, people I see every day. Everyone is shoving and it’s crowded, and-and I know we’re gonna sink any minute, so everyone's shouting and the ocean is-is raging! I-If I say the wrong thing or wear the wrong outfit, it’s like I’ll be tossed right over the side! N-now the Captain is pointing, Well who made her Captain! “ She glared back at Duke and fought to keep her voice level. As if she was suddenly aware of all the eyes on her, her voice went quiet. Her eyes turned to the floor as she continued. “Still, the weakest must go, right? I-I’m the weakest, No one cares, no one--”

Duke pushed past Fleming and grabbed McNamara’s arm. She tried to push away, but the fire in Duke’s eyes was enough to sedate her as Duke spoke. ‘What, Heather, are you saying Westerberg isn’t a nice place?”

"Heather--” Fleming said, trying to break the girls up.

“Where’s your school spirit, huh? You don't deserve to wear our school colors--”

“Heather please--” Flemming then pushed herself between the two and moved Duke away as McNamara covered her face as tears sprung in her eyes. One of the Jocks took the mic from her and placed it on the stand in front of everyone.

“Why don't you hop into your little  _ lifeboat  _ and catch a wave to Remmington!”

“Aw look, Heather’s going to cry!” the jocks then surrounded her and started to whine teasingly. McNamara let out a sob and shoved her way out of their circle and ran for the nearest exit.

“Alright, alright! Young lady, you are suspended!” Fleming shouted, glaring at Duke as she smugly watched McNamara leave. Fleming, as if remembering, motioned to the cameras. “Turn them off, turn them off--”

JD tried to grip on to Veronica’s hand but lost her as she stepped forward and came face to face with Flemming, standing right in front of the mic so her voice was cast to all her peers. Flemming now was loud enough even the punks in the far corners could hear her too.

“Is that all you care about?! TV cameras?”

“Veronica,” JD spoke, reaching out a little to hopefully bring her back to the sidelines of the situation.

“I care about saving lives! Heather Duke ruined a valuable team moment-” 

“I want none of it! None of us want us to be a spectacle-- like an-an experiment on guinea pigs, patronized like bunny rabbits!”

“I don’t patronize bunny rabbits!” Flemming yelled back, appalled. 

As if she was there all along Chander spoke up, coming beside Veronica. “Their big secret is out, Veronica. The adults are powerless.”

“Heather trusted you.. You said that you’d protect her.” Veronica continued, the anger in her voice reaching the corners of the room.

“They can’t help us. Nobody can help us now.” Chander continued, fueling Veronica’s anger.

“You’re useless..”

“Alone the ocean..”

Veronica now turned to the bleachers, speaking directly into the mic without realizing it. “You all are idiots!”

“Veronica, maybe you should sit down--” JD came up, trying to take her arm and move her away from the mic. She wouldn't budge.

“No! Heather was a monster, just like Kurt and Ram-- and they didn't kill themselves I killed them!”

The room went quiet as her voice echoed around the large gym. Her words had tumbled from her lips before she could stop them. All she could fathom was the thick silence hanging in the room and JD’s hand on her arm tightening as she forced her eyes shut. She covered her mouth with her hands, unable to breathe as her peers stared her down like vultures.

“W-what do you guys think about that? “She mumbled, her voice still echoing around the room. She opened her eyes slowly, only to be faced with their sickening looks. Not judgemental, just dry, plain-- like they had no care to what she had said.

Duke and the jocks were the first to fall into a fit of laughter. The rest soon followed, as Duke came up on the other side of Veronica and spoke into the mic. “Some people will say anything just to be popular!”

Veronica pulled herself from JD’s hand and bolted out the same doors. 

“Veronica!” Shouted JD, but as far as she knew no one was following her out into the hall. She struggled to breathe, leaning on the lockers as she kept her feet moving. She had to find McNamara.

Soon she came to the girl's bathroom and peered inside, to see a quivering McNamara, tears streaming down her face, popping open a bottle of Tylenol. Just as she tipped the whole bottle in her mouth, Veronica jogged forward and grabbed her arm. 

“No! No no no, stop, stop!”

She fell, and so did Veronica as she put her weight into in her attempt to stop her.

The Heather burst into more tears and she sobbed, struggling to speak around the mouthful of pills.

“You're throwing your life away to become a statistic in  _ USA Today _ , that like the least practical thing I can think of.”

“WhataboutHeathernRamnKurt?” McNamara mumbled through the pills.

Veronica’s voice softened as she reached out and set a hand on her knee. “I-If everyone jumped off a bridge young lady would you?”

“Probably,” She said made out, around another sob.

Veronica reached further, taking her hand and holding it closer to her. McNamara wracked with silent sobs as she clenched her teeth around the mouthful.

“If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be human, you;d be a game show host,” Veronica said, her voice relaxing as she kept McNamara's eyes on hers.

McNamara then gently pulled her hand from Veronicas and used it to spit the pills out into. She wiped her lip roughly before reaching up to wetly toss the ball of white pills into the nearest sink, before looking back to Veronica with wet eyes.

“Thanks for coming after me..” She said quietly, her words coming out clear now without the pills.

“O-oh, you’re welcome..”

McNamara then stood on her knees before falling into Veronica's arms wrapping around her. A surprise kiss fell on Veronica’s lips, short and chaste before McNamara hid in Veronica's shoulder. Heart leaping into her throat, Veronica didn't question it, she just hugged the blonde closer and let her cry into her blue blazer. It was a strangely warm feeling, helping Mcnamara like this. It was like suddenly all that had happened in the last two weeks faded away, and what was left was this fulfilling feeling that made Veronica want to hug McNamara closer. So she did. She tightened her arms around her and bit her lip.

Maybe things could go back to normal. What does Chander know? Veronica was certain she was just a figment of her imagination anyway, she knew nothing about what the future brings.

Maybe the future was her and Mcnamara. Away from Duke. Maybe going to college once High school was over and living a normal life, just as Veronica wanted-- just as she needed to gain her sanity back. 


	9. What Do You Want, Psycho?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Veronica decided to ride on the enjoyments of helping someone and starting a proper friendship, JD is left with his thoughts swirling. And after showing his true colors and Veronica walking out of his life, he finally snaps.

“C-can we leave?” She asked quietly, into Veronica's hair. She nodded, moving away from her. 

“Uh, yeah, I’ll call my mom, and we can go to my place for a while, watch some movies?”

McNamara nodded gratefully, cheeks still wet. “I’ll, um, freshen up, okay?” She then gave Veronica her usual, glowy smile, before she began to wipe under her eyes gingerly to avoid messing up her makeup farther. 

Helping her stand, Veronica let her turn to the mirrors as she made her way out the bathroom doors so she could make the call. She was sure her mother would understand. Or, at least forgive her for missing another day when she was teetering on almost failing her classes.

She opened the door and was welcomed by a slow clap. Stepping out further JD stood, back against the wall by the door, a sly smile at his lips.

“You are a genius! You had me worried there with your little confession, but you pulled it off. Best place to hide, in plain sight.”

Thankfully, the hall was deserted. Either everyone already got back to their classes or the assembly was still going on after they had stormed out. Veronica wouldn’t be surprised if Fleming was trying to repair her televised attempt of saving the school. 

“No, I wasn’t trying to hide.”

His expression changed, as he pushed off the wall and faced her fully. “Why did you have to go and follow McNamara, one less Heather is a good thing--”

“No, she’s my friend!”

“Fine. Then why are we letting Duke live, huh? She’s the one who made McNamara want to kill herself.”

The bell went off, and she gave him an angry look, as her voice lowered so any passing kids couldn't pick up on what she was saying. “I’m not having this discussion with you, I shouldn't have to explain why this is a horrible idea.”

“Hey.” From behind her McNamara opened the door and looked between them carefully. 

“I’ll see you later, alright?” Veronica finalized, with a calmer tone. Turning to set a hand on McNamara’s shoulder, she steered her in the opposite direction of JD.

  
  


JD stared on at the small plasma TV at the foot of his bed for a long moment, the paused image of Veronica, from one of her newer videos. The white stucco background, the bushes to one side poking into frame occasionally, then the black dress all told him that it was what she was filming before the funeral. Her videos over the last few weeks were weak. Barely put together, her sentences seemed to be cut off and continued with a separate thought. JD dreaded what she could have been saying, the footage that might be on her sleek black camera. If she was telling the story of all they had done, they could be in deep shit if say her parents decided to scroll through her library, or if she accidentally uploaded the wrong clip. And with today's outburst, he was feeling the tense, on-edge feeling that ate at him, left him craving to satisfy it. Last time he felt like this, was when those assholes hurt Veronica, started that fucking rumor about a threesome. And we all know how well that turned out last time.

Now, he had no Veronica to agree with him and make him feel like these thoughts were rationalized. The static images he paused on were nothing compared to her, laying in bed with him. Nothing compared to her punny jokes, her unforgiving laughter. Just at the thought, he ran his free hand through his hair.  _ Oh, Veronica. I’d do anything for you. _

It was getting harder to say that.

Veronica wanted him to change, and that was something easier said than done. How could he stop fantasizing about slitting Duke’s throat when she has been such a bitch to Veronica, and extension, to people Veronica cares about? Fine, McNamara could be off limits. With her confession at the assembly, he supposed she wasn’t that bad. She wasn't so quick to project her feelings onto someone else like Duke was.

His eyes adjusted from the glowing TV in his otherwise dark room, and to the pistol in his hand. Bullets still loaded, he left it un-cocked as he fiddled with the safety, the revolving cylinder, his thumb rubbing against the barrel’s sights methodically as he pushed play with his free hand.

“-- _you know, they were just Seventeen! Barely adults-- they still had a chance to be beautiful. To change their asshole ways and do something with their lives_ \--”

When a pebble collided with his window, JD was quick to grip the pistol and pause the video. After a second came, he got up and spotted Veronica barely getting to the branch leading straight to his window. He shoved the pistol in his waistband behind him before he hastily opened it for her.

“Veronica..”

She crawled against the tree, using one foot at a time to step into his room. Much smoother then she was the first time she climbed through his window.

“Hey, you.“ She said softly. She closed the window behind her, leaning against it for a moment as she looked JD up and down. Biting her lip, she distracted herself with the glow of the TV.

“Watching me?”

He turned, keeping his back, and the gun away from her. “Always,” He answered truthfully.

“God, that video was a clusterfuck to edit. I couldn't organize it to a consecutive thought.”

“I could tell. You’re not telling the camera about our.. Dates, have you?”

Her eyes furrowed as she looked back to him. “Dates? You call killing our classmates dates?”

He rose his hands lightly, in defense. "Hey, just trying to put it lightly.” 

When she didn't answer, he continued. “Speaking of.. Duke, huh? You know, nothing ever changes unless we change it ourselves--”

“Hey! We're the ones having to change, okay?” She butted forcefully.

“Oh, so we’re gonna let Duke run around, ruining lives, spreading the same old rumors--”

“We don’t need to meddle with Duke, hey, listen, listen--” They began to speak over each other, and Veronica pinched her eyes closed, reaching forward to set her hands on his chest, tapping him gently to urge him to stop.

“--Listen Listen Listen.. just.. don’t talk over me, okay?” She looked up to him and gave a weak smile. “You promised me,” She reminded, capturing his eyes before he looked away.

Setting a hand over hers, on his chest, he looked back to her.

“I promised.”

“Thank you..” She said, leaning forward and rewarding him with a kiss. Her free hand reaching up into his hair, she held him there for a long moment.

In a flash, the lights were on and at the sound of JD’s Dad, they parted.

“Jee, Pop, ever hear of knockin’? I was playing grab-ass with my girlfriend.”

JD then stood straighter, turning to his father. Veronica, slid behind him to stand in the open space near his bed. His dad, stood with his thumbs in his pockets, leaning on the doorway to JD’s bedroom.

“Well, you know the rules, son. Door always stays open when we have company.” JD replied, stiffly.

They both reached forward as if pressing an invisible button. Just like the first time Veronica met him, their roles switched back to the right ones.

“So the judge, god bless him, left those groupies to slam-shit an’ die!’ He let out a creepy giggle only his dad could produce. “You should have seen the fireworks. Set it all off with a Norwegian in the boiler room. Kaboom! I got it all right here on DVD.” He held up a blank CD in a case. “I’m gunna need my drawstring pants for this!” He then turned, a shit-eating grin on his face, leaving JD and Veronica in an eerie silence.

Before Veronica could react, JD pulled the pistol from his waistband, cocked it, and aimed it for the TV beside her. JD shot at it, once twice, the plastic screen shattering and sparks going everywhere. Her face disappeared from the screen in a sickening zap. She jumped out of her skin, stepping away from it and JD.

“Damnit! No firearms in the house!” Shouted JD’s dad from down the hall.

JD broke into a smile as his melodic laughter fell from his lips. Veronica furrowed her eyebrows and stepped over to look at him head on.

“Why are you carrying a gun?” 

“It pissed off my Dad, it was funny!” he said, pointing towards the door with the gun.

‘No it's not funny, none of this is funny! You're carrying a loaded weapon! You promised me, JD!” She shouted, fed up with his attitude.

“Sorry Darling, it’s a dangerous world.” He took a step closer as he spoke.

“Yeah, because of you.” She took a step back.

“Hm.” He hummed, straightening. His lips turned into a straight line before he sucked in his bottom lip.

“You know what? Don’t call me. Don’t talk to me--”

“Veronica!”

“No! You don't know the difference between right and wrong!” She said, pointing an accusing finger at him. “We’re over.” She finalized, turning away to leave out his door.

“C’mon, come back!” He followed, watching her turn to him again. “I love you!” He motioned with his hands, his finger was still on the trigger as he haphazardly pointed his gun at her. Her expression dropped as she took a step back and rose her hands defensively. The look in her eyes was fearful.

Taking a long breath, he dropped his hands and tried again, in a much calmer voice. “I love you.”

“Goodbye, JD.” She said, quietly, before turning and walking down the hall and out of his life.

He felt like shooting something again. Hell, he did have enough  _ Ich Luge bullets _ under his bed. He pointed it towards the TV, but remembered that was already shot to hell. There was nothing else in his room to shoot, other than himself. The thought crossed his mind, but he instead gripped the pistol and took the few steps over to the window, where he saw Veronica on her bike, flying out of his driveway and down the few short streets and into the darkness.

  
  


Not twenty minutes later JD stood outside Duke’s oversized, three story home, before tossing the first rock he saw at the only window with green drapes. Moments later, Duke appeared, glaring down at him.

See, he planned to have Veronica do this, much easier to lure her down with Veronica. Instead, he flashed the manila folder that had  _ DUKE/DUNNSTOCK _   in big, bold letters on it. Duke’s face went white before it disappeared.

Moments later, to JD’s enjoyment, Duke stepped out into her backyard, luxuriously covered in some thick, fluffy robe. Mint green, of course.

“What’s this folder for, psycho?”

Keeping the smile, he opened it to show the many photos paper clipped inside of Duke and Martha as they played, held hands, and swapped friendship bracelets in kindergarten.

“Oh Crap..”

“Just a tangible reminder that somewhere around age six, I’m guessing, you were friends with Martha Dunnstock.”

“Where did you get these pictures? Did Veronica get them for you?” She paused, crossing her arms. “What do you want, money?”

“No, Just a favor.”

She let out a weak laugh. “No, no way.”

He then turned the folder to himself, pulling a picture from the folder that was just hidden under the others, he held it up so she could almost see. “I really do love this one of you and Martha in the bathtub--”

“Give me that!” Her hand shot out, but JD was quick, moving it out of her reach.

“Nuh-uh-uh. First, I have something for you.” He then pulled a sheet from the folder, printed with  _ 1 of 2 _ at the bottom. Duke didn't notice as she took it.

“It's a petition. Get everyone signed, and you can have every last picture back.”

Duke gave him a disgruntled look, before giving a sharp nod. “Fine, freak. I can have it done by the prep rally tomorrow.”

JD smiled wide. “Perfect.”


	10. Darling, Please..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once Veronica seemed to have a moment of clarity, it's ripped away from her. Martha is in the hospital, and Veronica's 'ghosts' are swirling around her, tormenting her. The cherry on the top? JD is absolutely lost it, and in a last ditch attempt to be with her again, he breaks into her room to share is big plan. The reaction he gets isn't the one he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the last stretch guys, and holy crap I can't stop writing. the next chapter will be the end of the musical.. but not the end of the fic! I'm not sure if I'll continue it here, or make a collection to add like a 'book two' or whatever, but the story is far from over. I have plans in store, and yeah, a few of them I've seen done before. But fuck it, I enjoy the drama they produce and plan to write them in my own words. 
> 
> While I'm here, I might as well address something: I don't get a lot of comments, but a few chapters ago, after Veronica saves McNamara, MC kisses her briefly before hugging her tightly and you guys did not like that! No, Veronica is not cheating. She's caught off guard, and the lurch in her stomach at the surprise of it sends her mind reeling, but she just decided to let McNamara be happy instead of breaking it with questioning the kiss. Hint hint, this was like a little seed for the next 'book' or whatever I'm going to call it. 
> 
> Yes, there will be Veronica/McNamara in the next book. But as for now, while JD is alive and... well... alive, she's more worried about not getting shot then finding her next romance. And the next romance will be a long, drawn-out slow burn. Because Veronica will be terrified to be that close to someone else, as one would normally be. 
> 
> So, she was not cheating. it was McNamara's way of thanking her in her fragile state of mind. Okay? Okay. Now, onto the angst.

“Dear diary. Things seem to be going better.” Veronica spoke, holding up her camera as she stood outside in her crochet lawn. The sun was on the other side of her house, casting a cool shadow over her and the giggling girl beside her.

She then pivoted in her place to capture McNamara beside her. “I seem to have made a new friend-- a real one, mind you. The whole school has been through plenty in the last few weeks, and we were no different. Thankfully, some goodness is coming from they uh, tragedy as of late.”

“Losing my best friend and the best guys on our team really had a lasting impact,” McNamara butted, stepping in close so she could see herself in frame. 

“In other news, I left Mr. Rock-and-Roll. He was uh, a little too intense for me. It seemed that the recent events had been getting to him too, just not in the same way. Of course, he didn't know Heather or the guys since diapers.”

“Wait wait, replay that! You dumped Trench coat kid?”

Veronica dropped her vlogging hand and shut off her camera, as McNamara moved to stand in front of her. “Since when!”

“”Last night,” Veronica answered, slipping the little camera into her blazer pocket. “It's.. It's no big deal.”

Chandler had other words to say, she was screaming her head off when she got home after leaving JD. She said she needed a restraining order and a bulletproof vest.

McNamara made a face of concern, lifting her croquet mallet to rest it on her shoulder. “Well, I’m happy for you. You could definitely do better. You’re going to one of those big lawyer schools for college, right? Plenty of prep school cuties there.”

Veronica smiled lightly, giving a little nod. She hadn’t thought about what, or who would be next. She just wanted to survive till the end of the year.

Distracting herself from the possibility of JD coming after her with a gun, she stepped away and tapped her ball towards the next post. “Your turn.”

This seemed to satisfy McNamara enough, as she followed beside Veronica with a little giggle. “I forgot how fun this game can be without Heather breathing down my neck, telling me to throw my turns so she could win.”

“You mean just playing fair? Yeah, I get that.” She smiled, hiking the mallet onto her shoulder too, as they walked across the croquet yard. She had her fair share of pretending to miss shots to please Chandler.

Before they got to their balls, Duke gave a wave from the other side of the garden wall. Clicking open the little gate to the backyard, she walked past the posts and straight to them.

“Hey guys, missed you after eight period,” Duke said, posing with the clipboard in her hands on her hip.

“We were avoiding you,” Veronica said bluntly, not afraid to act civil with her anymore. 

“What you did to me sucked,” McNamara joined in, looking at her with a hurt expression. 

“Oh, very very. Here, I need you two to sign this.” She pulled the board from her hip and held it out for them to read. 

“What is that?” Veronica questioned cautiously as McNamara took it to read the title.

“It’s a petition to get the governor to declare a day of remembrance to honor the victims of suicide. “She sounded as if she recited this a hundred times that day. And looking at the massive list, she might have. 

“I’m not signing that,” Veronica said suspiciously, as she watched McNamara fumble through the pieces of lined paper pinned to the back, more names listed there.

“Veronica, why are you pulling my dick, it was your boyfriend’s idea.”

“Wait, JD?”

“He put together the sign-up sheet and everything. “Duke then took the clipboard from McNamara. 

A flash of worry came to Veronica's eyes as she looked between Duke and the petition. “Look, I don’t know what JD is up to, but I know this isn't good for you, for anyone. So please, just throw that away.”

She scoffed. “Not a chance. I’ll just fake your signatures like I did for Martha Dumptruck. She’s in no shape to sign anything today.” She shot a smile at the two girls as Veronica’s lips parted in surprise.

“Why not?”

“It’s all over Twitter! She took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge, holding a suicide note.” 

“Oh my God, is she okay-”

“Just some broken bones! Just another loser trying to imitate the popular people and failing.”

From behind Duke, three sickening figures appeared as they stepped through the closed gate to the backyard, and toward them, Chandler leading them. She gave Veronica a look a pity before it changed into disgust.

“Yo, girl. Keep it together. You know, I knew you would go far. Killing me, Kurt, then Ram, it was only a matter of time before something you did hurt someone you cared about.”

“C’mon, Heather. We have to get ready for the Prep Rally.” McNamara waved goodbye as she set the mallet down and followed Duke to her Jeep. Veronica faked a smile and gave a small wave back.

“Yo, girl! Truly a Heather now, huh!” Kurt started, coming close and giving her a long sniff before he and Ram started to laugh. “See how gangsta’ you are!”

The boys then threw up gang signs they had no business throwing as Veronica turned to the house and toward the metal table outside, where her phone sat. A quick scroll through Twitter confirmed her suspicions. Martha’s mom put a photo of Martha on Facebook, and Duke linked and retweeted it. She looked awful..

“Martha, I’m so sorry,” Veronica said softly, tears stinging her eyes. If she was there, there to let Martha talk to her and if she didn't bother with joining the Heathers weeks ago and stayed by Martha’s side, and didn't say those things to her--

“Feel a bit punchy, eh Veronica? She’s not looking so well. Maybe you did put her there. Your last words to her were what broke her the most. You’ve earned your red scrunchie, baby.”

“Come join us in Heeeell, Veronica!” Ram butted in with a sing-song voice.

Veronica, in a fit of emotion, flailed around her and made them disappear. Pushing through the sliding door, she reached for her father's keys. She needed to get to the hospital, and her bike wasn't going to make it all the way across town.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He father asked, walking into the kitchen. Her Mom tailed him, a book Veronica didn't recognize clutched to her chest.

“We’ve been worried sick about you! Your friend JD stopped by, he told us everything.” Her mother added as Veronica let her hand pull away from the keys. Shock registered on her face.

“Everything?” Veronica asked weakly, looking between her parents.

“Your depression? Your thoughts of suicide?”

“He even gave us your copy of Moby Dick!” Her mother almost screeched, handing the book over to her. The beaten copy of Moby Dick was not hers. She flipped through the pages carefully, her hands beginning to shake as she recognized the highlighted lines.

In the margins, was Veronica's handwriting. _ Dear Diary, I think I might kill myself. End it all. No help for someone like me. _

“He has your handwriting down cold,” Chandler butted, looking over her shoulder.

“Honey, please talk to us!” Her mother continued, taking Chander's spot as she rushed forward as if to comfort Veronica.

“No, you wouldn't understand..” She said quietly, flipping farther.  _ Hang myself. Shoot myself. Run away and starve in Seattle. _

“Try me! I've been through everything you're going through.”

“Look who's in the driveway, Veronica.” Chandler announced, now leaning over the sink to peer out the window.

“Your problems seem like life or death.” Her mother continued, oblivious to Chandler.

Veronica’s eyes were pinned on her handwriting in the margins.  _ My channel is dying and so am I. Who needs love when the world feels like it’s sucked of it? I’M DONE PRETENDING EVERYTHING'S OKAY. _

“I promise they're not,” Her mother then put her hands on her arm, and Veronica pushed away.

“You don't know what my world looks like!” Veronica snapped, tossing the book on the counter as she pushed past her Dad and up the stairs.

“Dear God, if you still will listen to me after all the shit I’ve done, please let JD not be in my room..” She whispered under her breath as she stormed away.

“Saying your prayers? Appropriate. He's going to eat you alive, Veronica. You're running on fumes. Your brain is totally fried! Why do you think you can see us?”

Veronica shoved her door open to see it was, in fact, JD free. She only got a quick breath of relief before she heard the ivy on the side of the house creak.

“Shit!” Her only option was into her closet. Darting past her desk, she closed herself in the small room and bathed herself in darkness.

“Hiding Veronica? It won't work! He can smell your fear. Your dripping in it.” Chandler continued as if she was in there with her. She just might be, Veronica could barely see a hand in front of her face let alone another person in the darkness of her closet.

With a final creak, Veronica bit her tongue and held her breath as she heard JD let out a light paint from climbing.

“Knock knock! Sorry for coming through the window, Dreadful etiquette, I know.”

Veronica couldn’t help the bubble of anger rise in her chest. Her voice was sounding through her small room before she could stop herself.

“Get out of my house!”

“Hiding in the closet?” He let out a little laugh as he came closer. She braced herself against the door. “C’mon! Open the door.” He said, almost lightheartedly.

“No! I’ll scream, my parents will call the police.”

Even through the door, she could feel his demeanor change. “All is forgiven, baby! Now come out get dressed, you’re my date to the Prep Rally tonight. I had Duke pass around a petition. You gotta come out here and see what your classmates really signed!”

“What are you- “She stopped herself, biting her tongue. Instead of dwelling on what terrible plan he might have, she fidgeted with the lock at the door.

“You chucked me out like I was trash, Veronica. For that, you should be dead-- But!” He all about shouted, a cheerful tone to his words. It easily darkened though, as he stepped around her little room, motioning with his arms as he spoke. “Then it hit me like a flash, what if high school went away instead?” He spun on his heel, looking towards the door as if it was her. “Those assholes are keeping you away from me! Made you blind, messed up your head, made you believe that they should stay alive, Veronica! If you'd come out-- Darling, please, I can set you free!”

Veronica struggled to quietly lock the door from her side, in the dark. She bent out a bobby pin from her hair, sticking it in the lock and jiggling it around till she heard a faint click. She slowly twisted the knob, it was locked in place.

“You left me and I fell apart, Veronica. I-I didn't know what to do, I punched the wall, tore up my hand and cried--” as if the thought alone angered him, JD’s face screwed up and he stepped dangerously close to the door, before giving it three, hard pounds to its face. Behind it, Veronica gasped and scuttled away, covering her mouth with her hands.

“I found that you changed my heart, and-and Veronica I want to change, but that's all bullshit! You set it loose, this-this adrenaline that’s been pumped side of me, Veronica.. You  _ put  _ it there. So guess what? I built a bomb, one big enough to blow our school up like Vietnam!”

Veronica’s back hit the back shelving of her closet, her sides stuffed by the coats and clothes she rarely wore anymore. She could see his feet under the door, the erratic shadows bouncing back and forth around her room. 

“Let’s guarantee they’ll never see their senior prom! They don't deserve it, what have they done to earn something so happy? They call each other names and eat at each other like animals, hungry for acceptance--”

From the other side, JD took a long breath, stopping himself. He wasn't here to preach why every last asshole had to die. He turned on his heels again, coming up to the door, nose almost pressing against the wood.

“I was meant to be yours, Veronica, I promise. We were meant to be one, just you and me. Just.. just don’t give up on me now, please.. Come with me and finish what we’ve begun.” He said gently into the thin wood. Then, he looked between him and the door, he reached slowly for the knob. Jiggling it as he continued, his face screwed up angrily as it didn't turn over.

“So when the high school gym goes boom, “He shouted again, shoving away from the door. “With everyone inside--”

He then whipped out the pistol he had, pointing it at various things in Veronica’s room as he made gunshot sound effects.

“In their rubble, we’ll plant this note explaining why they died!” He said, darkly before he reached into his coat with his opposite hand, sliding a folded piece of paper from his coat. He unfolded it easy with the one hand.  _ 2 of 2 _ .

He recited the petitions true contents. A school-wide suicide note, sending everyone off to show how we were all like slaves, blanks in a world where they could be so much more. Veronica covered her mouth as she pinched her eyes closed.  _ There was only one way to get out of this _ .

“We’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors,” He laughed, arms wide on the other side of the door. “Bring marshmallows, Darling, we’ll make smores! We’ll--we’ll smile and cuddle while the fire burns them to unintelligible charred bones.”

Veronica’s hands shook as she struggled to feel her way to the extra sheets at the top shelf. Chander was beside her then, almost phasing through her as the closet was too small for them both. 

“Wait-- you’re really doing this? Veronica, you're my only line to the real world. You  _ can't  _ go and--”

“--I was meant to be yours!” JD’s voice broke through again, and Veronica let tears freely fall down her cheeks. She finally got a solid grip on the sheets and yanked them down forcefully. On top of them was her mother’s sewing case, which supplied a pair of fabric shears.

“I can’t make this alone, Veronica, I-I need you, need you here to help me finish what we’ve begun.”

Veronica struggled to feel out what she was doing, cutting the sheets hastily in a long piece of fabric. She couldn't move fast enough. “You were meant to be mine! I am all that you need, no one else.. y-you carved open my heart, Veronica you can’t just leave me to bleed, its-its just, Veronica please--”

Dropping the shears as he collided with the door forcefully, the room went quiet for a long moment. Veronica was afraid to move, but shakily she began tying the knots she needed into the fabric.

“Veronica, open the—open the door, please? ‘ He asked, almost gently, pleading it from her. “Veronica, can we not fight anymore.. please, can we not fight anymore? Sure-sure, you’re scared.. I’ve been there, Darling. I  _ really  _ can set you free..”

Tossing the loops she made blindly over the bar across her closet, clothes pushed aside, she wrapped herself in the loops and buttoned her blazer over the fabric, to hide it. Her breathing ragged, she forced herself to take long breaths as he continued.

“Veronica, don’t make me come in there, I’m-I’m gonna count to three, okay? Then you’ll come out and we can hug, and.. Forgive each other, okay? One--” He took a long breath, closing his eyes. “Two..” His expression twisted up in pain as he couldn't bare to wait for her. He took a step away from the door.

“Oh, fuck it,” He announced, before landing a swift kick to the door. Once, twice, then--

The air around him went still. The light at her desk seemed to blink out of his vision. The shadows casting over Veronica's slumped body made him weak at the knees.

And he fell.

“N-No..” He mumbled, looking at her painfully as tears welled in his eyes. She swung slowly, side to side as the fabric tightened around her neck. Her feet were a good foot off the ground, the tub she used to stand on slid partially back into the space at the foot of her closet. Her dark hair fell across her pale face, almost hiding it. He could still see one, tear stained cheek.

“V-Veronica! How.. No, you can’t..” He panted, struggling to stand. He pushed forward, colliding with her limp body. His bandaged hands wrapped around one of hers and he squeezed it. He got no response back.

“Please.. “ He said, barely above a whisper as his voice broke. “Please don't leave me alone, Veronica.. Darling..”

He rested his head on her side, pressing into her body as he struggled to compose himself. Tears fell in large teardrops to the carpet below as he took a gasping breath.

“You were all I could trust, Veronica. I loved you. I-I still do.” He bit his lip painfully, drawing blood. 

“I can't do this alone, please..”

He gave her hand another squeeze, before he lifted his head to look up to her face. Even in death, she looked like an angel to him. He rose a hand, brushing her dark, tangled curls from her face. Her eyelashes were wet with tears, her cheeks had lines running down them. Her lips were pink, bloated even, but maybe that was his imagination. He wanted to kiss her, to kiss her till she came back and held him tight like she had before. He wanted to rip her off the clothes hanger bar and hold her in his arms. 

Footsteps sounded down the hallway outside Veronica’s door. Panic flooded his veins, as he quickly kneeled again, pressing his lips forcefully to her hand. For a moment, he was able to get lost in the sensation and imagine that it was her lips, kissing him back.

“Veronica, I made you a snack!”

JD then darted from the small closet and swept up the suicide note at the bed, where he set it earlier. Then, as swiftly as he came in, he was out the window.

As her mother’s scream echoed down the darkening street, He let out a choked sob.

“I-I’ll continue, if I must..”

Wiping his eyes, he scaled down the ivy again and jogged to his bike. Next stop, Westerburg. He had a bomb to plant, now in memory of Veronica.  _ You wanted me to make the world disappear, didn’t you? I’ll still do it, I’ll do it for you. I’ll take them all disappear. _


	11. Shower of Light, Cloud of Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica thought the shock of her death would stop him. Veronica thought he could have been fixed, could have been as beautiful as she once thought he was-- but part of her knew, it would end up this way. Veronica takes a trip into her own hell and barely comes back alive.

“No! No, Oh my god!” Veronica snapped her head up at the sight of her mother, reaching up to pull herself off the weight of the cloth around her waist. Using the shelving behind her to stand on, she undid the knot above her and she fell to the carpet, before rushing to her mother. She was in shock. The plate with celery and peanut butter clattered to the floor, celery sticks going everywhere. Veronica grabbed her mother, trying to bring her back to reality, that she was okay. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry It’s just a joke, I’m so sorry!”

Her mother took a long, gasping breath before her eyes furrowed angrily. “It’s not funny!” 

Veronica took a breath of relief before she turned to look ot her open window. She could hear JD start his bike and motor off and away from her house. Leaving her mother’s side, she ran to the window. She could see his figure ride off to the opposite way to his house. He was going to the school. _ She wasn't able to stop him. _

“I need to leave,” Veronica said suddenly, unbuttoning her blazer to rip the torn cloth from her waist, where she was truly suspended. Leaving it in a tattered ball on her bed, she moved to pass her mother, her eyes still in shock.

“Where are you going?” She asked, grabbing her arm.

“Out.” Veronica said back, pulling from her mother's hand as nicely as she could manage as panic began to pump into her veins.

“When will you be back?”

Veronica forced herself to take a deep breath and look at her mother. “Thats a good question.”

Turning, she took the stairs three at a time, running past her dad and out to the garage where he bike sat. Her baby blue beach cruiser sat waiting obediently, wasting no time as Veronica hit the button on the garage door and started to pedal. She skidded at the edge of her driveway though, and looked back at the house then the little white gate leading to her backyard.

She needed a weapon.

Sliding off the bike, she jogged to the backyard and swept up her croquet mallet. Giving a test swing, she decided she couldn't waste any more time deciding iof it was good enough. It  _ had  _ to be. Jogging back to her bike she set off, peddling like mad to get to the school as fast as she could.

She was hyperventilating. She couldn't close her eyes at risk of crashing. She couldn't stop, she had to get to the school before JD got too far into his plan. Instead, into the cool night air, she began to talk to herself.

“Dear diary, all I wanted was someone strong who could protect me.” She said weakly, shaking her head. “But-but in my ignorance, I let his anger fester and infect me. His-his solution to blow up the school is a lie! The school might be filled with assholes bet that does not make this right, no one deserves to die..“ She then took a long, strained breath, as if she could feel the makeshift noose around her throat again. “Except for me, and him. The monster I created. I did do it, didn't I?” She confessed to herself. “I fueled his thoughts, I-I agreed to kill Kurt and Ram, I made him this way! He was so.. So beautiful before I ruined him..”

Tears sprung in her eyes again, but she fiercely wiped them away as the school came into view. Parked haphazardly in the first few parking spots of the school, sat JD’s bike. She skidded to a halt beside it, and didn't bother to tether her bike down somewhere where it won't get stolen, that was the least of her worries. She snapped the kickstand down, and stepped off the bike.

Her legs already felt like jelly. Not just from the furious ride here, but from the thought of what she was about to face.  _ JD has a bomb. _ He plans to just blow up everything, without a second thought. Not even her death could stop him.

She took a hollowing breath as she stood straight, looking to the school.

“Heads up JD, I’m your dead girl walking.” She said, to no one but her. Everyone was already inside, preparing for the prep rally. 

She could easily hear them chanting as she slid into the doors. The bell went off, signaling the prep rally was officially starting. She ran, sliding on the slick linoleum as she nearly smacked into Fleming.

“Veronica?” At the sight of her, Veronica hastily hid the mallet behind her back. She didn't need to be stopped by bringing a potential weapon onto campus. “Jason Dean told me you just committed suicide.”

Veronica gulped down the growing knot in her throat and gave a shrug. “Well, he's wrong about a lot of things.”

“Well, that's disappointing. I threw together a lovely tribute.” She held up a flash drive, as Veronica fought to not look disgusted with her former teacher. Instead, her face went blank.

“Mrs. Fleming, what's under the gym?”

She rose her eyebrow at her before replying. “The boiler room.”

“That’s it!” Stepping away, she kept her back to her as she traded the mallet in her other hand. 

“Veronica, whats going on?”

“Later, Mrs. Fleming. I got no time to talk, I’m a dead girl walking!”

Fleming gave her a strange look, before dismissing her with a wave of her hand.

“Kids, and their weird lingo these days.”

Veronica then made a full out sprint to the gym. She skidded again, looking for a way into the boiler room. 

“-- _ Here comes Westerberg! Coming to put you in the ground! _ “Chanted the students inside the gym, their voices thumping in her ears as she jiggled the utility door beside the gym doors.

“ _ Go, go Westerburg, give a great big yell! _ ” Veronica swung the mallet, landing it hard on the knob. It was knocked loose, and the mechanism inside fell apart enough that Veronica could yank the door open. Inside, a red light pulsated, some warning signal.

_ “Westerberg will knock you out and send you straight to hell!” _

Hell. Her demise waited down there, in the darkened room. She took the stairs by two, before peeking down to the main area. The thumps of her classmates stomping in the bleachers echoed down here, right underneath them. Kneeling, his trench coat pooling at his sides, was JD as he fumbled with the front interface of a black box, wires sprouting from either side. 

She made it to the end of the stairs, took a small step towards him, and held the mallet tightly in her hand.

“Step away from the bomb.”

He stood straight, looking back to her. A million emotions flickered on his face. Shock, anger, hurt, anguish, distrust, disgust, guilt. He seemed to take a long moment, eyes wrung with grief as a grin spread across his cheeks. He was putting up his walls again. His eyes were red, he had been crying. The blinking red light behind him casted a menacing shadow over him.

“And here I thought you lost your taste for faking suicides.” he said, arms opening wide as he turned from the bomb, and faced her.

“Oh, and this little thing?” He pointed at the little box right behind him. “Hardly call this a bomb. This is just to set off the packs of thermals upstairs.  _ Those  _ are bombs.” He finished darkly, before he took a step closer to her.

Veronica stood her ground.

“People are going to see the ashes of Westerberg and think to themselves, ‘there's a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care, but because that school  _ was  _ society.” He gestured violently, taking a step closer with every other word. Soon, he was only a few feet from her and she still refused to step away from him. The gun he seemed to always have on him materialized out of nowhere, as now it was pointing directly at her head. There was a fiery look in JD’s eyes, his anger clouding his judgement. “The only place where people like the Heathers and Martha can truly get along is in Heaven!”

Compared to the way he growled out his words, with such malice in his tone, her voice was downright calm. Soft, a tone he’d compare to an angel. He was always comparing her to an angel.

“I wish your mom had been a little stronger. I wish she stayed around a little longer for you.“ His expression faltered, the grip on his pistol loosening before he forced himself to grip it again, tightly. Veronica’s voice grew louder and louder as she continued, stepping closer to him. This time, be began to back up, keeping the gun at arm's length and pointed between her eyes. “I wish your dad were good! I-I wish we met before they convinced you life is war!” She then held out her free hand, invitingly, as if pleading that he drop the gun and take it. “I wish you'd come with me—”

“I WISH I HAD MORE TNT.” He growled out, shoving the gun in her face again as he stopped her. The music upstairs began, some pop song being played way too loud. Veronica closed her eyes, pinching them closed for an ounce of clarity before she swung the mallet.

He looked up momentarily at the sudden music, and was barely able to block the hit with his arm. Twisting his hand around he gripped the opposite side the the mallet and pulled it from her hands. The worn wood ripped small scrapes into her palm, but she ignored it as she rushed him, now taking the gun and pushing its barrel away from her. The chanting started again, as she twisted the gun around, trying to force it from his grasp. He was strong though, he always was. They turned in circles, shoulder to shoulder, as the fought over the gun.  In the darkness, with the red light casting an evil shadow over them for only moments at a time, she couldn't tell what was up and what was down. She forced her finger into the trigger guard, and in hopes it wasn't pointed at her, she squeezed.

She yelped as the gun went off between them. They froze, taking a small step back to look each other in the face. He still held the gun, the the fire and anger seemed the dissipate in his eyes as quickly as blood soaked his shirt.

He fell with a hard thump onto his back, the gun going flying under some pipes. He let out a moan in pain as he set a hand on the growing wound. 

“Was that good for you? Because.. Because It kinda sucked for me, “He said, raising his head before letting it fall back to the cement flooring.

“JD..?” She mumbled, watch as he let out another moan of pain. She rushed to his side, skidding her knees as she hit the cement floor roughly. She kneeled at his side, reaching for him, unsure to how to touch him after all they had been through. 

“Listen--Listen to be, okay? JD! “She stuttered, watching his face contort in pain. She finally found herself brushing the hair from his eyes. “Listen-listen, it’s over, t-tell me-- which wire do I pull? JD, which wire..”

The strain in his face fell quickly. His arms went limp, the blood soaked one at his side fell to the cement. His eyes closed.

“JD..” She sat back, covering her face with her hands. She glanced down at his body, not seeing any sign of life. Her pulse thumped in her ears as she struggled to think clearly.  _ He was dead. Fuck, he was dead, I killed him, I can't stop the bomb-- _

She then looked back at the box taped to one of the many pipes in the room. The clock on its face read five minutes.

She shakily stood and ripped the tape, pulling the bomb out of its place. Clutching it to her chest, she left JD’s body and struggled to step up the stairs, a pain running through her ankle every time she stood on it. She was freely crying again, as she made it to the ground floor. The students were still chanting, listening to the cheerleaders lead them. Veronica went in the opposite direction and inched her way out the back doors, toward the football field.

She didn't notice that JD was slowly following her.

She sobbed to herself as she made it to the grass, continuing to the center of the field. He bit her lip, taking a long breath as she began to speak, quietly to herself. She wasn't sure of she ever wanted to speak to a camera again. “D-Dear diary, the irony in this is that I never got to write my own suicide note...”

The groan of pain behind her made her spin on her good heel. She almost fell over, but painfully caught herself. She hugged the bomb, now reading :36 as she watched the figure of JD use the edge of the bleachers to stay standing.

“Smart girl, Coming out ot the football field. Take the bomb out here, nobody dies.. Except you.”

He held his stomach as if he didn't, his guts would spill out. He panted heavily, his warm skin now almost pale.

“I don't deserve to live-” 

“I respectfully--” He took a sharp breath, his tone softening. “..Disagree. Veronica, what are you doing..?”

“I’m making sure the bomb doesn't hurt anyone it shouldn’t-- JD stay away from me!”

She yelled, taking a few steps back as he began to come closer, she tripped on some loose grass, and fell to her ass, another yelp escaping her lips she kept the bomb close to her chest.

“Or what?” He said, gritting his teeth. He stepped closer again, before falling to his knees as pain crossed his features again. “Ver-Veronica, I’m damaged. Far, far too damaged. But you? You’re not beyond repair.” He said softly, looking her in the eyes before coming closer to her. He gritted his teeth again, speaking through them.

“Please, stick around here. You can make things better, I know you can. You.. You beat me fair and square, Veronica, Darling..” He reached forward, a bloody hand coming close to her cheek. As she didn't move away, he caressed her pale cheek gently, before his shaky hand slid down to take the bomb out of her arms. Numb, she let him take it from her.

He then stood, with difficulty. “Please stand back now..” 

She stood too, tucking her hurt ankle around her other leg as she was forced to stand like a flamingo. Only a foot away, she could see tears spring in his eyes.

“Little further, please.. Who knows what this thing will do out here..”

At his command, she limped, staking a few steps backwards. He took a few steps away, too.

‘I-I hope you’ll miss me.. Really wish you’d kiss me..” He then raised his head to look at her, eyes wet. “Just.. know I worship you.”

Veronica fet a sob shake her body as she realized what he was doing. Not disarming the bomb but..

“I’d trade my life for yours, Veronica! Every damn time, I’d do it for you..”

“Oh my god, “She gasped, frozen to her spot as she fearfully watched him step back even farther, slowly.

“N-Now once I disappear--”

“Wait hold on--!”

“--Clean up the mess I’ve made--”

“--Not this way!” She sobbed, hands in fists at her side as she watched him eyes wide. He bowed his head again, before an almost bittersweet smile came to his lips. It grew, and suddenly Veronica was back to weeks ago, before she helped kill Heather, Kurt or Ram, to when JD was still beautiful.. still hers.

“Our love is God, Darling,” He gasped, biting his tongue to fight the pain. He began to repeat himself, tears falling down his cheeks as he still stepped away. Veronica went weak, falling to her knees in the dewy grass.

:5

:4

:3

:2--

“Say ‘hi’ to God for me, okay?” She said weakly, eyes still on his dark shadow of a figure, the glowing red numbers reaching zero.

The explosion sounded and JD disappeared in a shower of light, and a cloud of dust. Dirt rained down on Veronica as she covered her face, falling back at the force of the explosion. Her ears rang, her body shook, she felt like vomiting.

So she did, into the grass beside her as the smell of gunpowder hung heavy in the air.

She didn't want to look to see what was left of JD. She pinched her eyes closed, wiped her lip and stood to her feet. Blindly, she walked to the bleachers and felt her way towards the path to the school.

When she made it under the first light, she opened her eyes. At the back exit of the school her classmates were pooling, watching the smoke rise behind Veronica as she limped her way closer to them. McNamara was the first to step forward, catching her friend as she stumbled.

“Where have you been? People have said you’ve killed yourself,” She asked, looking at Veronica with a concerned look. She was covered in dark smudges, her hair was tangled beyond repair at this point, her clothes disheveled. Not to mention, the splatter of blood on her open blazer and white blouse underneath, and the dark red lines JD drew with his fingertips at her cheek. 

“You look like hell,” Duke butted in from behind McNamara,

Veronica gave her a dark look. “I just got back.”

 

* * *

 

EPILOGUE

* * *

 

Veronica kept her eyes closed, her mind wobbling over the edge of unconsciousness. Her hand was nestled under the blanket of the bed beside her, her fingers barely touching Martha’s hand. The chair, admittedly uncomfortable, had been pushed to her side even at the nurse's request not to.

Martha had been out for two days.

Veronica opted to stay with her till she woke up, because she had some major apologizing and ass-kissing to do. She hurt her feels and led her to do this to herself.. And Veronica felt that she was to blame. Right now, The doctors concluded it wasn't technically a coma, but she wasn't just sleeping either. She couldn't remember the list of causes, the names and scientific words they threw around. All she knew was that Martha was stable, and would be fine once she wakes up.

Letting out a deep sigh, she pulled her hand from under the warm covers and rubbed her eyes. She had slept enough in the last 48 hours. According to McNamara, who visited twice already with Duke, Veronica had passed out promptly ten minutes after bawling at Martha’s side. Duke called her a crybaby, McNamara defended her, saying at least she cared.

Duke was much more quiet now.

Veronica did stop home, apologise to the parents, and put on the first truly comfortable out fit she had worn in months. Sweats. Loose, Bon Jovi shirt. She was able to wipe her face and arms of dirt and blood, and clean up the scraped at her knees with Duke’s makeup kit she kept in her Jeep at all times. Veronica felt more sane then she had in weeks.

She had given up on her video diaries. She made a one-take explanation to what has been going on. Leaving out the gruesome details, she at least explained that there would be a lapse in videos till she got things sorted out. That could be a few weeks, that could be till the end of the school year. She might prioritize getting her grades back up, where they should be, before worrying about much else.

A soft knock came from the door. Looking up, Veronica saw that it was McNamara, her knuckles resting gently on the doorframe.

“Hey,” She said softly, before stepping into the room quietly, as if she was afraid to disturb the quietness that drifted in the air. Besides the rhythmic beeping of Martha’s heart, the room was silent.

Well, till Veronica properly stretched and let out a small groan. Her muscles were tired from well, everything. “Hey. How’s school?”

“Alright, I guess. Everyone's still really freaked out about JD and wat he tried to do. Everyone’s still saying you’re in some mental hospital for dating him. At least the Principal finally got the bombs on the bleachers off. At least we have no Gym all next week, “She laughed lightly, but you could tell it was forced. Veronica could tell she was freaked out too about it, too. She was head cheerleader, in the center of where everything would have went down if JD succeeded. Veronica understood.

From beside Veronica, Martha twitched. First her hand, then a groan passed her bloated lips. Veronica’s heart leapt into her throat as she turned her attention to the heavily bandaged girl as she began to wake up.

“Martha? Martha, hey..” Veronica mumbled, softly as she spoke.

“Veronica?” Martha replied, eyes slowly blinking open. “What.. what are you doing here? Where am I?”

Veronica gulped, scanning her friends eyes. They were flooded with confusion. “After.. After you fell of the bridge, someone called 911 and you were take to the hospital. When I heard.. I had to come.”

‘She basically begged me to drive her,” Duke butted in, as she came to the doorway. Martha seemed to become even more confused as she noticed the Heathers were in the room, too. McNamara on the other hand, nudged Duke back out the door and followed her out. Their fingers passed the room windows as the walked down the hall.

Ignoring her, she looked back to Martha. “Listen.. I know is a lot to spring on you when you first wake up but I’ve been waiting for a few days to.. To apologise.”

Martha’s eyes drifted down the the bedsheets.

“I am so.. So sorry about the things I said to you. I-I was protecting you, and I should have just told you that JD was dangerous instead of dealing with it myself, and I know that, but I felt awful after treating you like that. I just.. I want to go back to how it used to be, before I joined the Heathers. Chilling, popcorn, watching movies with happy endings..”

“Are you’re any more happy endings?” Martha replied quietly.

Hurt crossed Veronica features as she watched her friend pick at the hem of the blanket.

“L-Look, I can't promise that there won't be any more people like the Heathers, I can't promise that after this, everything will be okay. Still, I miss you, Martha. I miss hanging out with you. I-I’d just be honored if you’d let me be your friend again.. “

Slowly, Martha reached over and set her hand on Veronica’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! We're finished! I really can't believe only a few weeks ago I decided to write this, and now I;;m not only wrapping up the first part, but starting a second 'book' to this little series. I really don't know what to call these things. Just fics seemed too... bland. Anywho, hopefully by the end of the week, I'll have part two: Veronica's Myriad of Fuck-Ups, Told to You Via Police Reports up and going. I'll explain more about that when I have it up, so stay tuned.


End file.
